


Green Versus Blue

by witchofink



Series: Us Against the World [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Abusive Family, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, Established Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, assassin!lena, self destructive behavior, spy AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-03-05 20:43:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13395876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchofink/pseuds/witchofink
Summary: Kara Danvers lost her parents in a fire when she was twelve years old and ever since she has only wanted one thing: to follow in their footsteps and become one of the top agents at the DEO, or the Department of Espionage Operations. Now, years later, she is ranked second out of all the agents at the agency and is working on her new goal, to take down the infamous family of assassins, the Luthors, who are responsible for her parents' death. Little does she know, her girlfriend of a little over a month, Lena Luthor, is a member of that family and also happens to be sent by her mother to kill the agent. However, Lena is working on her own goal, to take down her family and keep the woman she had fallen in love with alive. It's just them against the world but do they realize they are on the same team in time?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my spy au in which I take all the knowledge I have gathered since I was like five and put it to use. Just a warning that I will be posting an alternate ending to this fic which is not happy but that isn't in the tags because the true ending is happy and leads up to the sequel which is why this is part of my first ever series which might change titles oops. I'm really excited for this fic since it's my first non-powered au that isn't a oneshot. I hope you all enjoy it and there is a link in the end notes to the song Winn is playing at the start of the chapter so you can listen to it with the scene or after you read or just not at all. Thank you for checking out my fic and I hope you continue to read it.

The first thing Kara noticed walking into her apartment was the music blasting from some portable speaker that belonged to either Lucy or Winn. Voices could barely be heard bickering over the foreign music as she dropped her keys into the bowl by the door. Walking past the dining table and the kitchen, she found her sister and friends sitting in her living room around the coffee table. James and Winn sat on the couch closest to the TV with Lucy perched on the arm of the couch next to James. Her sister and Maggie had their backs to her so they didn’t see the blonde come up behind them, but Kara knew for certain Alex knew she was there. There was no way she couldn’t with the training she had.

For some reason, the little group had made Kara’s apartment the hangout spot out of all their apartments in the building they all lived in. Apparently, there was a better view and it was bigger despite the fact Winn lived a floor above her. No one looked at her as she strolled in still wearing the clothes she had gone to train in, a navy sports bra and maroon compression pants, and she set her duffel bag full of her personal arsenal down on the stool at the kitchen island. Part of her was surprised no one took notice of her outfit, especially considering two months ago James had been asking her out every day for a week. But he seemed to think arguing over playing music in English over whatever language Winn’s music was in was better.

“Japanese is a beautiful language!” Winn shouted at James and Lucy. “Let me enjoy my music, I never get to play anything!”

“Cause it fucking sucks, Schott,” Maggie pointed out as she ran her fingers through Alex’s hair on the other couch. The redhead tilted her head back when the blonde touched her head and a smile formed on her lips. “Babe, back me up.”

Alex looked at Winn and shrugged as Kara moved to lie across the two older women’s laps, Maggie huffing when she was elbowed in the stomach. “I am obligated by the girlfriend contract to agree with Maggie, but I have to admit Japanese is my favorite of the ten languages I know,” Alex said earning a loud cheer from Winn and a pout from Maggie. “But, really, Winn, Vocaloid? Couldn’t you go with like an actual person singing or something?”

“It’s Hatsune Miku!” Winn countered as if that would help his case. James chuckled as he pulled out his phone, most likely texting Clark who was in England at the moment, and Winn frowned at how he was being ignored by the taller man. “She’s like the best one! She was on a talk show!”

“If you want to fucking listen to a Katy Perry song then fucking listen to the original!” Lucy shouted as she grabbed the speaker on the coffee table and shut it off. “I will never be able to listen to _Roar_ the same way ever again. I hate you so much.” She stood and whacked the tech savvy man on the back of his head on her way over to steal from Kara’s kitchen. “Hey, Kara, don’t you have a date tonight? With that mysterious chick?”

Kara perked up and nodded enthusiastically as she got up and grabbed Alex’s hand, making her stand as well. “Yes, I do and I was about to ask for Alex to help me pick out an outfit but I needed to see how long it would take for someone to turn off the music.” She pushed her sister towards the door to her room and pointed towards the door to the hall. “But fun time is over. Don’t you all have work or something? I mean, I know you have to hack into the servers of those cyber terrorists to figure out where they are getting their funding, Winn. The only one who wouldn’t have work is Luce cause she’s been benched. _Again._ ”

The short woman grinned and Kara didn’t get how she still had a position at the DEO, or the Department of Espionage Operations as no one called it. But Lucy was one of the top field agents along with Kara herself and Alex, the three of them often making up a team with Winn as their tech backup. But because Lucy had yet again risked their cover on the last mission the woman had gotten benched for unnecessary risks and so Kara and Alex had suddenly gotten more free time whether they liked it or not. That started a month ago and in that span of time Kara had met Lena Mercer, a woman her friends liked to call mysterious since she was incredibly private. But the blonde had instantly connected with the woman and they were about to go on their third date. Being an agent for a highly classified government agency did not leave much time at all for dating. Alex and Maggie had it lucky since they met through one of Alex’s missions when she was first starting out as an agent and Maggie was on a case that was connected.

“Hey, don’t be proud, you put the two of us out of work because you couldn’t help but sleep with the daughter of a Mafioso,” Alex scolded as Maggie gave her a kiss on the cheek. “You leaving? Have fun at work. Kick some ass.” Winn let out a soft squeak as Maggie pulled Alex down for a kiss and his face turned bright red seeing the cop pull the redhead closer by her, well, ass. For some reason Winn always got red seeing them kiss, probably the fact he was still keeping the fact he liked men a secret despite everyone in the building knowing. Lucy claimed it was a closet thing. James had pulled the geeky man away by the time Alex and Maggie broke apart, Lucy standing next to the blonde softly counting under her breath between bites of the chocolate cake she had stolen. Poor, precious cake that belonged in someone else's stomach. “I’ll see you tonight,” Alex breathed, a dopey smile on her lips as she entered the bedroom.

Maggie flashed her dimples as she began to stroll towards the door and paused in front of the two younger women. “First,” she began looking at Lucy, “stop timing how long we kiss, it’s creepy.”

“Alex asked me to when you got together a year ago for science,” Lucy told her, earning an elbow to the ribs. “Hey, she never told me to stop and as my superior agent I have to follow her orders.”

 “Perv,” Maggie laughed as she shook her head. Lucy smirked as she took another bite and the detective put a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “Piece of advice, change the locks on this place. Especially if you value your food.”

Kara looked at the cake in Lucy’s hands and hardly had time to react before it was being shoved at her mouth. “Shanks,” she mumbled around the huge chunk of cake in her mouth. She checked the clock on the microwave despite knowing what the time was thanks to her internal clock. “I need to get ready, have fun at work, Mags.” The woman gave a two finger salute before leaving and Lucy strolled past her into her bedroom. “I guess it’s a team effort today.” When she walked into her room, Lucy was already curled up on her bed asleep and Alex was draping clothes over her for Kara to look at. “How does she do that?”

Alex looked at Lucy and shrugged. It was a pretty normal occurrence and so neither of them were fazed, though a bit concerned if anything. “She was an army kid, maybe it’s that,” she offered as she pulled out a dress. “Or she has been having nightmares again and can’t sleep alone at her place.”

“Bingo,” Lucy mumbled softly as she shifted under the clothing. Kara’s chest tightened as she remembered when Lucy shared a room with her at the Academy and the short brunette would wake up screaming. By then, Kara’s own fiery nightmares of her parents dying in their house caused by the shadowy figure leaping from her window in the dead of night had faded, so the blonde was familiar with them and immediately began to comfort the other woman when they made appearances. “I saw Lois when I went to Metropolis and she dragged me to see them. Been having the dreams every night.”

Alex and Kara looked at each other, unsure exactly how to go about the conversation. Lucy hated it when people treated her with kid gloves, but talking about how her parents were murdered by a member of the most infamous family of assassins in front of her as a teenager was not the best choice of action. Especially when that someone happened to be two years younger than her.

“Stay here tonight,” Kara told Lucy. “And before you protest, Lena has something in the morning and I have a solo mission at the museum tomorrow morning with the jewel so I’m not bringing her back.” Somehow, she managed to keep the disappointment she felt at that fact out of her voice. She had been dying to bring Lena to her place, not for sex but for like some cuddles or Netflix. Not Netflix and chill, but like Disney. And chill. Or cuddle. An action that started with ‘C’. Maybe a ‘K’.

“Are you sure?” Lucy asked as she peeked out from the pile of clothing on top of her. “Last time I stayed over you needed to replace the bed.”

Alex’s eyebrows rose so far up Kara was afraid they would rise off her face. “Not like that!” the blonde claimed as her face got red. Lucy quirked her brow and Kara’s face grew redder as she mumbled, “It was three years ago.”

“Oh my God, you two slept together?” Alex exclaimed as she threw a dress at Kara. “And you didn’t tell me? I mean, please don’t tell me about your sex life, but like Lucy’s practically family and you slept with her?”

“First, I’m right here,” Lucy interjected. “And second, we did it like three times and tried dating for like a month, but that’s not the point.” The dress that had been thrown at the blonde hit her in the face and the short woman held up the clothing to look at it. “Go with this one.”

“Oh my God, Lucy, we agreed never to talk about it,” Kara mumbled as she walked over to the wall and rested her head against it. “Can we please just find an outfit for tonight?”

“You really aren’t that good with secrets for a spy, Luce,” Alex told the woman who simply shrugged as she held up the dress in her hands. “Hey, Kar, wear this. Blue is your color.” She tossed the blonde the blue dress with three-quarter sleeves and a white rounded collar. “Go change and get ready, I need to read up on the file for my next solo in a few weeks.”

The blonde sighed and took the dress into the bathroom connected to her bedroom. Pulling her hair back into a messy bun, she turned on the water for the shower and pulled out her makeup bag to set out what she planned to use. The soft sound of someone’s back resting against the door reached Kara’s trained ears and she recognized it to be Lucy at the door. Steam started to fog up the mirror as Kara rested her own back against the same door her best friend did. “Something up you don’t want to talk about around Alex?” the blonde asked as she waited for the water to get warm. The best thing about the fact the DEO ran this building was that there was unlimited hot water so even if she waited to get in the water would still be hot.

There was silence from the other side before a sigh reached her ears. “Would you be upset if I hid something from you for over a year?” Lucy asked through the door. Her voice was oddly uncertain, hesitant even. It was as if she was afraid to ask the question.

“It depends what it is,” Kara told her as she closed her eyes, letting the steam from the shower surround her like a blanket made of humid warmth. “But not much could make me angry at you, Luce. You’re my best friend in the entire world. We’ve known each other forever. I remember when you were eight and I was seven and we met when our parents took us to the DEO Christmas party. You were shorter than me even then. Immediately after meeting, we got into a fight over who was taught better fighting styles.”

“Neither of us one, but we’ve been friends ever since,” Lucy added.

“Which is why you can tell me anything at all and I won’t get mad or upset unless you are hurting yourself,” Kara assured her. There was silence for the longest time before a sequence of knocks were tapped against the door to spell out ‘THANK YOU’ in Morse code.

Waiting for a moment to make sure Lucy was gone, the blonde reached for the bottle of perfume on the counter and took off the lid to let the scent fill her nose. _Mom_. The words on the label were faded and Kara couldn’t remember what it was called, but it was the perfume her mother used. The one she wore before hugging her goodbye as a child before going on the easiest of missions. Only she and Kara’s father never came back. They had been killed by Lionel Luthor, the head of the Luthor family and their group of assassins. The sound of her phone buzzing reminded the spy of what she was doing and she picked up the phone to see a text from Lena telling her she was excited about the date. A smile broke out on the blonde’s lips as she replied agreeing with the other woman. Her heart pounded in her chest as she hopped into the shower. It was going to be a great night.

  


The restaurant was too fancy for Kara’s tastes but Lena seemed classy so she couldn’t go with her usual places. So, that’s how they ended up waiting for a table at one of the four star restaurants in National City. Lena looked amazing in the black dress she had on and with silver heels on they were the same height. Perfect for Lena to lean against her as they waited for a table. Which had unfortunately been given to someone else.

“Do you want to just go somewhere else?” Lena asked as she rested her chin on the blonde’s shoulder. Green eyes looked into blue and the agent could have sworn she had seen a flicker of pain in those eyes before the brunette looked away. “If anything, we could go to my place, pick up some Chinese, and watch a movie.” The blonde frowned and the other woman placed a kiss on her cheek to grab her attention, pulling her from her concerns she didn’t plan out a good enough date. “Hey, this would have been really good, but as long as I’m with you that’s enough for me. So, my place?”

Kara smiled and nodded, taking Lena’s hand to pull her outside. The younger woman laughed as she let herself be pulled along and warmth filled her chest. “Where to?” she asked and Lena pointed down the street towards towards a tall apartment building as fancy as the restaurant they just left. “Wow, what is it that you do for a living?”

A smirk formed on red lips as Lena turned to walk backwards in front of Kara, leading her towards her building. “If I told you, I’d have to kill you,” she teased drawing a laugh from the blonde. Thankfully, Lena was holding her hand because the sidewalks were crowded and the woman was maneuvering her way through the people as if there was some secret path only she could see. It caused a red flag to go off in Kara’s mind but she knew that Lena had a geeky side and had been to conventions before where she probably learned how to walk through large crowds. “What?” she asked glancing back at the blonde as she paused across the street from her apartment. “You’re staring.”

Blue eyes blinked as the thoughts justifying how graceful and swiftly Lena moved were shattered. “You’re just really beautiful,” she told the woman as she put a hand to her cheek and leaned in for a kiss. Electricity surged through her veins and the brunette pressed closer to her as her own hands shifted down to her waist. “I’m really happy we decided to leave that place now.”

Lena laughed and turned to look at the street to see if it was clear to cross. “Wait until you see the movie I am thinking we watch.” They dashed across the street and into the building which seemed to be a place only the elite could afford. “Don’t ask me what I do for a living, let me have a bit of mystery, dear.” She walked up to the front desk and spoke rapid Russian to the woman working the desk which, unfortunately, was not one of the languages she knew well enough to follow along. “Kara, you need to sign this,” she told the blonde who was looking at the fancy decor in the lobby.

“Oh, sure,” she said as she returned to Lena’s side and signed her name on the sign in sheet for guests. “Will I have to do this every time?”

“Yes,” the woman behind the desk said in an American accent. She didn’t look Russian at all now that she was closer to see her. The red flags were back and she would have to talk to Lena about it. It was probably just the paranoia ingrained into her brain by her training but it wouldn’t hurt to make sure nothing was going on. The last thing she needed was to put the agency in danger and lose her job, the one thing that connected her to her parents.

“Come on,” Lena said softly as she pulled the blonde by the hand. They stepped into the elevator and the young woman let go of the blonde to run her fingers through perfectly curled raven locks. “You’re probably wondering about the Russian, aren’t you?” Kara gave a sheepish and surprised look to Lena and she laughed softly. “I can tell, I’m kind of good at reading people. One of my degrees is in psychology.”

“One? Why didn’t I know you have more than one degree,” Kara said as she tilted her head with a confused look on her face. Education had never been brought up, she had no excuse planned out for her lack of formal education. Never even finished high school. As soon as she turned sixteen, she applied for the DEO’s training academy and immediately got in thanks to her legacy status and her own skills. “What are the others?”

Lena retook Kara’s hand as the elevator opened and led her down the hall to one of the doors. “Hmm, I have a degree in Linguistics,” she told her as she opened her apartment door. “Then, engineering, European history including Russia, and I was pre-med but never went for a medical degree.”

Kara was speechless as she followed Lena inside, not just because of how brilliant this woman was but because of her apartment. Winn would flip over it. It was a modern design style but geeky paraphernalia was scattered throughout the apartment. _Star Wars_ , _Lord of the Rings_ , some anime stuff, _Harry Potter_ , it was everywhere in the apartment. But it wasn’t all over the place that make it too much. It was the perfect balance of geekiness and class. Walking over to the couch in Lena’s living room, Kara picked up an anime figure and looked at it.

“It’s signed,” Lena said. “On the bottom. By both the English and Japanese voice actors.” She held out her hand for the figure and a sad smile formed on her lips. “This show is really special for me. Changed a lot for me.” Green eyes met questioning blue and she smiled brightly as she shook her head softly. “It’s called _Akuma no Riddle_ , or _Riddle Story of the Devil_. It’s about this class of assassins except for one girl and they have to kill that girl. One of the assassins protects her, though, and it’s implied they fell in love.”

“So, is that how you figured out you were into girls?” Kara asked as she took the figure and set it back down. “Or was that some other anime? By the way, you would get along so well with one of my friends.” A flash of sadness passed Lena’s eyes at the mention of her social life and she wondered if Lena didn’t have friends. The apartment didn’t look like it was used by more than just one person and she never talked about a social life.

“Hmm, I’ll let it be a mystery,” Lena teased as she pulled Kara over to the couch. The blonde sat down and pulled Lena to her once she joined her. “I need to call the Chinese place,” she murmured as she relaxed into the blonde who placed a kiss on the back of her head. “What do you want?”

It was clear by how Lena had practically melting on her lap against her and the way her voice showed she was not in a rush to call for food that she was tired. Or she just felt comfortable in Kara’s arms. Tightening her arms around the brunette, she slipped a hand into the pocket of the black dress and pulled out the woman’s phone. “Here let me call them,” she said. “What’s the num-“

Lena moved away from Kara and snatched her phone away faster than the blonde would expect the woman to move. The device started to ring and the brunette tensed as she looked out her window and sighed. “I have to take this. The number is on the fridge,” she told Kara before slipping off her heels and walking down the hall into what Kara assumed was her bedroom.

After the door closed, the agent sighed and put her head in her hands. She shouldn’t have assumed she could take Lena’s phone without asking. Looking out the window at the city, the hair on the back of her neck rose as she felt like she was being watched. Standing, she pulled out her phone and walked over to the window, looking out at the nightlife of National City. Movement on the top of the roof across the street caught her eye and she focused on that point, tapping the side of the glasses she was wearing to activate the binocular setting, until she was turned around by Lena and the curtains closed.

“Careful, someone may be watching and ready to turn into your stalker,” the brunette joked with a half-hearted laugh. “Did you call the place?”

Kara blinked for a moment and shook her head. “Who called you?” The question fell from her lips without her thinking about it but sounded completely casual instead of incredibly curious. “It was a short call.” She moved over to where she could see Lena’s kitchen was and found a menu stuck to the fridge by a magnet. One of the options was circled and the blonde dialed as Lena came in to grab a bottle of wine.

“My mother,” Lena bitterly replied as she poured herself a glass. “She’s concerned I’m not living up to my potential. That I’m letting feelings get in the way of my success.” She flinched when Kara looked at her but simply took a drink as Kara called in the order. “Sorry, you don’t want to hear about my issues with my mother.”

Kara slipped her phone into her pocket as she shook her head and put her hands on Lena’s upper arms. “Hey, I’m here for you, okay? That’s what a girlfriend is for.” Her heart stuttered at the label and searched Lena’s face for any protest at the use of it. They hadn’t labeled themselves at all, wanting to just enjoy their time together rather than worry about what it meant to be girlfriends. A bright smile formed on Lena’s face and she put her hands on the blonde’s cheeks before leaning up to press their lips together. “I’m taking it you like the idea of me having the responsibilities of being your girlfriend?”

Two arms slipped around her and clung tightly to the blue dress, Lena’s hands shakily clutching the fabric in her hands. “Yes,” she murmured into the crook of Kara’s neck. “I do.” The blonde was frozen, surprised by the sudden embrace, but quickly held the woman close to her. “I’m sorry,” she breathed out so softly Kara hardly heard her. As she moved to pull back, Lena’s grip tightened and she pressed herself closer. “Not yet. Just, please, stay with me like this.

The call must have rattled the younger woman and Kara complied, holding her close in strong arms. Most of the night was spent just being physically close to each other as they ate and put on a marathon of Disney movies. She didn’t ask why Lena had gotten so clingy, just accepted it and gave her the comfort she needed. What they both seemed to need. In the last few minutes Kara could spend with Lena, the brunette was asleep on her chest face down and the blonde was rubbing soft circles into her back. Her mind was running through their night together and she had questions she needed to have answered. Needed to get the red flags in her mind sorted out. The brunette shifted on top of her and a soft smile formed on her lips as she kissed Lena’s head. In a life of violence and danger, she was glad to have a piece of normalcy that reminded her she was more than just another agent. She was a normal person too outside of the missions, fighting, and subterfuge. And it was thanks to Lena she got to feel that.


	2. Chapter 2

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_. Kara wasn’t supposed to attend the gala introducing the famed Kalistos Diamond with her sister and best friend. Lucy Lane was supposed to be benched. A lot of convincing had gone into getting Natalia Morikov to seduce and be seduced by Lucy Lane. Lena dropped her hand from the side of her goggles and lifted them off her head to let them fall onto the roof of the building across from the National City Museum. She had worked it out so that her first time going up against her girlfriend, against Kara, would be a one on one fight. If there were others around, she couldn’t focus on not killing or maiming anyone. Couldn’t focus on keeping herself uninjured so Kara wouldn’t find out who she was.

“Fuck,” she cursed as she picked up her goggles, looking at the red lenses of the aviator goggles that were a white leather to go with her white, Kevlar body suit she modeled after a friend’s outfit in Gotham. She should get in touch with Cassandra Cain later if she had the time, find out what Orphan was up to these days. Unlike her friend who donned black and yellow, she wore white and red and rarely used her stealth function which changed the suit to be black and red. She was the best killer in her family, known for stealth and intelligence. She didn’t need to wear black to hide herself, she could do that even with the challenge of not blending in with the shadows.

With a sigh, Lena slipped the goggles over her eyes, the display only she could see telling her all she needed on how to get in. The goggles had four neural links inside the leather strap to link her thoughts with the electronic display that was housed in the red lenses that concealed her eyes. So, with a single thought the blueprints that had been being shown on the inside of the red lenses vanished and she made the lenses zoom in on the museum to watch the blonde through the window. Lifting her hood over her head, she pulled up the file on Kara and studied it as she ran through her final check.

“Electric gloves,” she whispered as she flexed her hands, the sound of electricity crackling through the air breaking the silence of the roof. “Check.” A glance at Kara as she spoke to her sister with a worried look on her face. “Filter mask,” she continued as she tugged white fabric over her lower face to help conceal her identity while protecting her from her own gas based weapons. “Check.” Blue eyes sparkled as Kara threw her head back in laughter at something Alex had said. Lena’s chest ached as she counted the number of smoke bombs she on her as she held back the tears stinging her eyes. She couldn’t be weak. She had to pretend to be in league with her family and if that meant getting into fights with the woman she was starting to fall in love with then so be it.

Rolling her neck and shoulders, she backed away from the edge of the roof over to the other side and did a quick system check to make sure she wouldn’t fall to her death. “Don’t fail me, grappling hook,” she whispered to her suit as she sprinted across the roof and vaulted over the little wall at the edge over the street. Raising her arm, a black wire shot out and hooked onto one of the stone lions on the ledge of the museum. Relief coursed through her veins and filled her heart as she pulled herself up next to the lion. It was early enough in the morning that no one would be on the streets, especially since the gala going on was for elite museum benefactors and security. No one else knew about the diamond arriving in the morning, big arrivals like this generally happening at night.

“ _Lena,_ ” a voice said in her ear. A groan passed her lips at the sound of her mother’s voice and she sat against the lion as she set her lenses to x-ray mode to look at the party from where she was. “ _Did you just groan at me?_ ”

“No, Mother,” Lena replied as she kept her eyes on her girlfriend. “And it’s Ghost when I’m in the field.” She was the only one in her family to use a codename and wear a suit. Her family liked what they did and felt like hiding who they were was shameful. Lena felt like what they did was vile despite being good at it. Her hands were bloody, so very bloody. If Kara knew, would she even want to be with her? Sure, Kara had blood on her hands too, but Lena had innocent blood on her hands. Mothers who wanted custody of the wrong man’s child, men who were at the wrong place at the wrong time, and, once when she was a child, the bastard of a rich man in Asia who didn’t want his company falling into the hands of someone who was a stain on his name. Kara would hate her to know the things she had done.

“ _I’m not calling you by that silly name,_ ” Lillian snapped making Lena flinch. “ _I just want to remind you that if you fail, you will regret it._ ”

“Yes, Mother,” Lena murmured as she stood and carefully made her way along the ledge to and open window one of the staff members forgot to close after taking a smoke. “I have to go,” she said before cutting the connection and linking her comms with the bug she had placed on Kara using nanotechnology. Luckily, only she could access the bug, developing it herself so that not even her brother could link up to it. “What are you up to, darling?” she asked softly as she climbed into the vents and looked at the gala again.

“-don’t know, Alex,” Kara said as she looked around. “I feel like something is off with Lena. I’ve done every search I could, though, into her and she’s got a clean record with no irregularities.” Fuck, did Kara suspect something was up with her? “It’s just, she speaks Russian fluently and she has a bunch of degrees. I get all these red flags going off in my head but there’s nothing wrong.”

Lena turned the comms off, not wanting to hear how much Kara was getting affected by her deceit. Kara wasn’t a fool, she would figure it out sooner rather than later, but it didn’t mean she had to listen to her start to work it out. But the agent working out who Lena was would mean prison or death. Either way, she was dead.

Coming to the exit to the room the diamond was in, she gently opened the vent and pulled out a penny painted white on one side and red on the other to toss from the opening onto the floor. An alert popped up on her lenses signaling the silent alarm had been tripped and she lowered herself down onto the catwalk just to the side underneath the vent. She had ninety seconds before Kara got there and she needed to stay close to the vent in case she brought Lucy and Alex.

Turning back on the comms, she immediately heard Kara speaking. “Alex, you aren’t even supposed to be here. The same goes for you, Luce. I got you in to enjoy the museum, not to protect some diamond.”

“Let Alex and I help out, Kar,” a voice Lena assumed belonged to Lucy Lane, ranked third out of the DEO’s agents, said. “What if it’s a Luthor?”

Lena tensed as she remained crouched on the catwalk, a smoke bomb in her grasp. “Why would a Luthor steal a diamond? They are vile and sick murderers who have no hearts. And if it is, I’ll take them down and bring them to the DEO to answer for the despicable things they have done and help the DEO find whoever killed our parents.”

Lena shut off the comms as her chest tightened painfully. Is that what Kara thought of her family? Of her? Bile rose in her throat as she closed her eyes and tried to ground herself, needing to have her focus so she didn’t hurt Kara and didn’t get hurt herself. Footsteps reached her ears and she opened her eyes, tightening her grip on the smoke bomb in her hand.

Kara slowed down as she got into the room and glanced around the space for whatever tripped the alarm. “Come out and we won’t have to do this the hard way,” the agent said as she paused where the penny had fallen. “A white penny?” Blue eyes looked up just as Lena threw the smoke bomb and she leapt away from where it went off. Coughing caused guilt to fill Lena’s chest as she dropped to the floor and kept low to the ground, staying just out of side from the blonde. “Who are you?”

Activating her voice changer, Lena looked at Kara wishing she didn’t have to do this. “I am Ghost,” she told Kara moving when the agent did to keep out of sight. “And I’m not here for a silly diamond. I’m here for your life on behalf of the Luthor family.” The blonde barely had time to block Lena’s strike to her head, gloves buzzing with electricity. “Looks like you were wrong on it not being a Luthor, Agent Danvers.”

“Fuck,” Kara cursed under her breath as she pushed away Lena’s arm before aiming a kick at the assassin’s head. As Lena blocked the leg with both arms she left herself open for Kara to strike her side and she stumbled back as the blonde groaned, rolling her eyes. “What have I said about streaming your stupid music while I’m fighting?” she asked her tech support under her breath. Lena stifled a giggle at the fact her girlfriend would do something like that in the middle of a fight, leaving at least thirteen different ways Lena could have killed her already.

“You might want to keep your attention on me,” Lena said as she sprinted past the blonde, snatching the diamond as she ran into the warehouse attached to the museum. As she ran, she hacked into the DEO’s feed with Kara, the process surprisingly slow as she darted around a corner. All she wanted was to know what the blonde’s friend was playing. Slipping the diamond into her utility pouch, she climbed up on one of the shelves and swung onto the warehouse catwalk. “What’s your friend playing in your ear?” she asked Kara as the blonde stopped underneath her. Suddenly, a gun was being pointed at her and curses fell from her lips as she darted out of the line of fire. “I just asked a simple question, Agent.”

“Give me the diamond and I won’t put a bullet through your head,” Kara demanded as she found the ladder to the catwalk and climbed up it. “Why won’t you fight me? I thought Luthors didn’t like to waste time toying with their target.”

“I’m not like most Luthors,” Lena replied as she froze in front of Kara. Her usually sunny, blue eyes were cold and hard. They belonged to the woman who had lost her parents in a fire set with the intent to kill, to burn alive, not to her girlfriend. She froze too long, trapped in the sight of this side of Kara, and her arm stung as a bullet grazed her. Immediately, she put half of her attention on hacking into her comms to listen in on whoever was on the other side.

“Next time, I won’t miss,” Kara snarled as she stepped closer. “Now, give me the diamond and I’ll make sure you have a nice cell.” The gun was aimed right at the assassin’s head and Lena couldn’t move. This was Kara. Kara was pointing a gun at her. She didn’t know it was but it shook her to her very bones. Suddenly, music filled her ear and she couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of the song. “What’s so funny?” Kara asked.

“The song that’s being played,” Lena answered as she did a side aerial over the railings as she wiggled her fingers and landed on the ground. “Do you even know what it’s about?” Shots cracked in the air as she handsprung back away from the bullets and stopped with her hands in the air. “Okay, this is not right. I’m unarmed, left my guns and knives at home.”

“Don’t fall for it,” the man finally said since she had hacked into the feed. “She’s a Luthor and her suit is impressive. It’s similar to the group we work with occasionally in Gotham and she’s got those goggles hooked up to basically work as a computer acting off her brainwaves. It does whatever she thinks.”

Kara dropped to the ground and hesitated before she slipped her gun back under her dress. “Hot,” Lena couldn’t help but comment. As she switched off the electricity in her gloves. She flexed her hands in front of the blonde and began to slowly walk forward, calculating the best way to continue this without anyone getting hurt. Well, more hurt in her case, the bullet had done more than graze her after running a check through her goggles. The Kevlar needed to be upgraded.

“I’m taken,” Kara remarked as the song changed. “Just shut it off,” she murmured into her comms before barely moving out of the way as Lena attempted a butterfly kick to her head. She kicked the assassin out of air before she landed and the woman hit the wall with surprising force, all the air leaving her lungs.

As the blonde stood over her, Lena’s training kicked in as she swept Kara’s legs out from under her and moved to straddle her waist, pressing a knife she pulled from her boot to the blonde’s throat. “Kara!” the man talking to the blonde over the comms shouted as the music abruptly stopped. The only sound in the warehouse was their heavy breathing. “She’s hesitating, get her the flip off of you and take her down!”

Every part of her brain was telling the assassin to slit the throat of the woman she loved. It’s what she’s been trained to do since she could walk. But she couldn’t hurt Kara. She shakily exhaled and suddenly found herself pinned by the throat to the wall in a seated position while Kara loomed over her on her lap. Her fingers clawed at the hand as she fought for air. “You don’t want to do this,” Lena gasped as she looked at the anger on Kara’s face. Her Kara’s face. The blonde was never good at hiding her emotions.

“You’re a Luthor, you stole my family from me,” Kara spat as she tightened her grip. Lena kneed her in the crotch and pushed the blonde off of her. A thousand words were running through her head as she felt the area her back hit the wall start to ache and she swiftly moved away as she threw another smoke bomb. Should she tell her how it was Lionel who killed her parents while it was Lena herself who took Lucy Lane’s? Should she tell Kara it was her so that the blonde could be one step closer to her goal by destroying her family? Other than Lex, she was the best in her family and without her the DEO could have a fighting chance.

“I can lead you to who did kill your parents,” Lena said instead from the catwalk as she watched Kara looking around through the smoke. “But I’ll give you the first clue the next time we meet, I have to run.” She fisher the diamond from her pouch and left it on the catwalk before silently dropping down and slipping through the aisles of artifacts. “And next time, hold back some, I’m not trying to kill you.”

Dashing out of the warehouse, Lena found her way back to the vent system and climbed inside, sitting inside the duct as she fought back tears. How could she do that? How could she fight Kara? She ripped the goggles from her head and let out a soft, frustrated sob as she put her head in her hands. The anger in those blue eyes, the rage towards her family. Guilt churned inside her stomach and she felt nausea push bile up into her throat. All this just to take out her family. How much longer could she do this? How much longer could she fool her family? No doubt her mother would punish her for not killing Kara. The sobs shook her entire body as she sat there wishing she had never been born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering, yes I was referencing the Bat Family in this fic who work outside of the DEO but with it in this fic. Cassandra Cain is one of the Batgirl's and was trained from basically birth to be an assassin like this Lena so it made sense that before Cass joined the Bat Fam they might have become friends and still were. If you want to look at what Cass' Orphan outfit looks like you can easily find it in a google search by looking up cassandra cain orphan.
> 
> Please leave comments, feedback, and kudos. Please follow me on twitter @witchofink for the occasional update on writing and poll and just Supergirl related content in general. I hope you enjoyed and stay tuned for the next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn’t like Lena to be late. Kara paced in the lobby of her building as she waited for her girlfriend to arrive at the apartment building. After the morning she had, she was worried that Luthor assassin would go after someone she cared about and Lena was the only one who wasn’t trained in combat which made her an easy target. Out of her need to protect the younger woman, she invited her to stay over for the night and attend Game Night. She was supposed to be there fifteen minutes ago, but there was no sign of her.

Her back was to the entrance when a pair of arms wrapped around her and a head rested against her back. “Lena?” Kara asked as she gently pried the arms off of her and turned to look at the woman who was a shade or two paler than normal. “Hey, you okay?” She put a hand to Lena’s cheek and rubbed the soft skin with her thumb as the brunette leaned into the touch.

“I’m fine,” Lena murmured as she looked into blue eyes. There was a pain in those green eyes but Kara couldn’t find the words to ask what was wrong again. “I believe you have friends to introduce me to.” She took Kara’s hand and smiled as she gave it a squeeze. “I’m okay, honestly. If anything, I’m just sore from kickboxing.”

“You kickbox?” Kara asked as she led Lena to the elevator. She hummed and nodded as her green eyes focused on the button Kara was pressing. “I didn’t know that.”

“It’s a recent and painful development,” Lena told her as she rubbed at her shoulder through her dark green button down which was tucked into black leggings. Hints of dark bruises could be seen on the pale shoulder and Kara wondered what they were having Lena doing at those classes. “But I’m fine like I said. I won’t let some silly bruises and sore muscles keep me from meeting the important people in your life.”

A smile broke out across Kara’s face as she pulled Lena close to place a kiss on her lips. “They’re going to love you, I know it.” At the words, a solemn looked passed over Lena’s face before she mirrored the agent’s smile. The elevator dinged and the doors opened revealing Lucy talking to her aunt. They laughed before Astra noticed her niece and Lena. “Aunt Astra,” Kara cheerily greeted before hugging the older woman with her free arm.

Lena was in a full panic inside. Astra might recognize her as a Luthor given her father has told her they have fought when the woman went with her sister and Kara’s father on missions. Everyone in her family knew she was only Lionel’s child but they said she was  _ his _ daughter. It was obvious they were related and the only thing that showed she had her mother’s genes were her eyes and even her mother was a deadly assassin. She was a pure blooded killer and she hated it. Externally, she was all smiles and hand holding, but she felt sick.

“Hello, little one,” Astra chuckled hugging her niece back. “Who is this lovely woman you have with you?” Grey eyes bore into Lena and she could tell Astra knew who she was. She shifted closer to Kara and rested her chin on the blonde’s shoulder, cursing herself for thinking she could fool an experienced DEO agent like Astra Inze who was ranked the fourth top agent. She was worried about meeting Alex Danvers, the number one agent at the DEO, because she could fool Kara and Lucy who have never seen a member of her family, but Alex probably has been allowed to look at files on her family and track them down.

Lucy came up beside Astra and Lena felt her chest threaten to collapse inside of her. It’s been years since she saw the short woman, but she still remembered the expression on her face when the youngest Lane had walked in on her standing over the bodies of her parents. “Is this the girl you have not stopped talking about?”

Kara felt her cheeks grow hot as she looked at her girlfriend to see a raised eyebrow. “Um, this is Lena Mercer,” she told them as she rested her head on Lena’s. There was a slight stiffness to the younger woman and she lightly squeezed her hand to ease what she assumed were nerves.

“Mercer?” Astra asked looking at Lena with a raised brow. She hummed doubtfully and pressed a kiss to Kara’s head. Confusion bubbled up inside of the blonde’s mind as she lifted her head from Lena’s and looked at her aunt. “Be careful, Kara. You never know what isn’t what it seems.” She moved to give Lucy’s arm a squeeze before walking past them towards the elevator. “It was nice to meet you, Lena,” Astra said as the doors opened and she stared at the youngest brunette until they closed.

When Kara looked at Lucy, she was already on her phone smiling at the screen as she typed away. As tempted as she was to ask Lucy who she was texting, Lena was tense at her side looking even paler than before. “Hey, you sure you’re okay, babe?” she asked as she put a hand on her girlfriend’s cheek. Green eyes full of love looked back at her and she couldn’t help but notice a hint of guilt and sorrow. “Are you sure you want to meet my friends? I can tell them not to come.”

“What? Game Night’s canceled?” Lucy asked as she looked up from her phone. “Does that mean I can’t stay the night? Or was Alex and I not supposed to stay over to begin with? Honestly, I’ve been distracted recently.” Kara laughed as she took Lena’s hand to lead her to her apartment. “What?”

Kara shook her head as she opened the door, which she was not surprised to find already unlocked, and let Lena enter first before following. Alex and Maggie were already in the apartment on the couch watching some superhero show. “You’ve been out of it for a week, I’m surprised you had your phone down for twelve hours.” The blonde glanced at Lena when the woman pressed against her side as they walked to the free couch and smiled reassuring as they sat down. Wrapping her arms around her girlfriend’s waist, she pulled her close and pressed her lips to Lena’s shoulder.

“Ha, not even twelve hours,” Alex pointed out as she rested her head against Maggie’s shoulder. “She was on it at the thing we went to this morning.”

“The gala at the museum?” Lucy asked earning two sets of glares from Kara and Alex. She looked up from her phone and glanced at Lena before realization appeared on her face. “That we didn’t go to.”

“You mean, the gala for the Kalistos diamond?” Lena asked calmly earning confused looks from the other four in the room. “I got an invite since my family is wealthy but I didn’t attend. I don’t like being associated with my family.” It was the closest she had ever come to speaking the truth about herself and her stomach was a jumble of nerves. After running into Astra, the fight between her and Kara at the museum, and her guilt over the fight and what she had done to Lucy years ago, she didn’t know how long she could keep herself composed. All she wanted was to be held by Kara and because of that she foolishly agreed to spend the night after some games. She assumed others would be there and found it exciting that Kara said she didn’t need to bother bringing clothes since she was free to borrow hers, but now that she was actually in the apartment around Kara’s loved ones she couldn’t handle it.

“You’re loaded?” Maggie asked. Alex swatted her on the arm and the short woman tangled her fingers into brown locks. “I’m Detective Maggie Sawyer, by the way. I’m Alex’s girlfriend.” She turned her head slightly as the elder Danvers sister whispered in her ear and she shrugged. “Hey, Kar, when the boys getting here?”

Kara shrugged and smiled as Lena shifted to half lay on her. “Probably in an hour or so. I thought I would make dinner rather than ordering out like usual,” she told them as she ran her fingers through raven locks. Her sister and the two short women accepted the response and shifted their attention to the TV. Looking at the woman in her lap, she noticed that green eyes were hidden behind closed lids and she pressed her lips to the crown of Lena’s head. “Do you want to take a nap, Lee?” The woman nodded but simply curled up more against the blonde and held one of Kara’s hands close to her chest.

“Aww that’s cute,” Alex murmured after Lena’s breathing grew steady, signaling she was asleep. “Does she do a lot during the day to make her so tired?”

Kara thought for a moment but realized she had no idea what Lena did for a living. “I’m not sure,” she said softly so that she didn’t wake up her girlfriend. “But she had a kickboxing class today, apparently.”

Lena shifted in her sleep with a pained expression on her face and pressed herself closer against Kara, the expression easing away as she clung to the blonde. She knew the younger woman had difficulty sleeping, it was why that night would be the first they would spend together, but actually seeing how restless she was, occasionally shifting, tightening her grip on the fabric of Kara’s shirt, and the looks of pain on her face, she wished she could help.

“Should we take her to your bedroom?” Lucy asked as after an hour long episode. “The boys will be getting here soon so if you are going to cook, you should cook.” Kara ran a hand over Lena’s cheek, soothing away the discomfort in her face, and nodded. “I’ll start getting out the games then.”

Alex and Maggie announced quietly they would go get drinks and Kara carefully stood with Lena in her arms. Luckily, her bedroom door was open and she carefully set the sleeping woman on the bed, pulling the blanket over her after taking off her shoes. Leaving as quietly as she could, she closed the door and set to work making the stuff for tacos. Picking up her phone as she turned the stove on, she picked a playlist at random and played her music softly since her girlfriend was still sleeping. Music and cooking were two things that went together like pizza and potstickers. Especially, if Lucy was in the room.

“I love this song,” Winn’s voice announced as Beyoncé’s  _ Single Ladies _ came on. Kara shushed him with a scowl as Lucy laughed as she placed down the box for Monopoly. “What? I can like Beyoncé.” He did the dance moves along with the song as the blonde shook her head and returned to cooking and the brunette hopped over to the man and joined him.

“Keep it down,” Kara told them as she worked on chopping up the tomatoes while the meat cooked. “Lena’s asleep and I don’t want to wake her.” She sighed as Winn looked at her and then at Lucy before rushing over to the door to the bedroom which he slowly opened to look into. “Winn.” The man sighed and started to close the door when a sudden scream left the room. Kara dropped the knife in her hand and rushed past her friends into her room to where Lena was sitting on her bed clutching at her chest. “Lena, are you okay?” she asked as she moved onto the bed to sit next to the woman with a panicked look in her face.

Death, she could still smell all the death. Hear the screams and the sobbed out pleas for lives to be spared. Tears streamed down her face as soft murmuring gradually registered in her mind. Lena turned her head to see Kara looking at her with an extremely worried expression on her face and all she could think about is how the blonde should hate her. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed, her voice catching in her throat as she brought her knees to her chest to make herself small. “I’m sorry.” Arms pulled her close and she let the scent of vanilla and honey surround her. The memories, the phantoms, of the people she had stolen the life from faded into the back of her mind as Kara held her and she whispered the apology over and over, the words unable to leave her lips.

“Shhh,” Kara soothes as she ran a hand over her girlfriend’s hair. “I’ve got you. You don’t need to apologize, it’s not your fault.” She had no clue as to why Lena was apologizing but all she cared about was calming her down. Slowly, Lena relaxed into her chest and the sobs turned into silent tears. The scent of taco meat filtered into the room and she could tell James had arrived to fill in for her at the stove. “It was just a dream. I’m here, I got you.” Hands clutched at the fabric of her shirt as tears fell on the skin of her neck when Lena buried her face in the crook of her neck. “I’m here and I won’t let anything hurt you.”

Lena couldn’t help but think that she didn’t deserve the blonde. The woman who didn’t know she was only there because her family thought she was going to kill the sunny blonde. Now, Lena had to go home for a few days and face her family’s wrath for “failing”. Who knew what Lillian would do to her. Lionel didn’t care about anything she did these days, too focused on keeping the family business successful. Hopefully, Lex would be there for her after their mother was through. The tears stopped falling and she simply breathed in Kara as they sat on the bed together.

“Hey, Kara,” Alex Danvers voice softly said after she knocked on the closed bedroom door. “We, uh, need to go. Something came up and  _ Dad _ called.” Confusion filled Lena’s mind as she ran through her mental file on the Danvers sisters. Jeremiah Danvers was working for Lillian due to the deal they made that Alex and Kara wouldn’t be killed when the DEO was attacked by the Luthor clan. Of course, that plan didn’t include before the attack which was why Lena was given the task of taking out Kara. So how could he have contacted Alex. “Astra is here and offering to stay while we are gone.”

Kara sighed and looked at Lena. Oh, she was going to leave her alone with people she didn’t know and the aunt who knew who she was. “I’m sorry, Lee, but I have to go. I’ll be back soon. If you don’t want to meet everyone without me, stay in here. You can change if you want, there are clothes in the top drawer.” She leaned in to kiss her on the lips and, in time their lips were touching, all the fears and concerns she had faded away. All too soon they returned as Kara pulled away and ran a hand over her cheek. “I’ll be back soon, baby girl,” Kara murmured before turning pink at the pet name she used while Lena felt her heart trip over itself in her chest. “Uh, I’m sorry if you don’t like it if I call you that, I won’t use it again. I’m sorry, I’m just going to-“

Lena shut her up with a kiss as she smiled softly at the blonde. “I don’t mind you calling me that at all,” she said as she looked into blue eyes. “Now go so you can hurry back to me. I have to go home for a few days tomorrow so I want as much time with you as I can get.”

“You're going to Metropolis tomorrow? Since when?” the blonde asked causing a spike of guilt to pierce Lena’s heart. Kara shook her head seeing the guilty look on the brunette’s face. “I’ll take you to the airport, don’t worry about not telling me I know how you are about your family.”

Lena nodded and closed her eyes as Kara rested her forehead against hers. “Go,” she whispered as she pulled away. “Come back to me soon.” The blonde sighed and got off the bed, quickly slipping out of the dimly lit room growing steadily darker by the fading light outside. As soon as Kara left, a sigh left her lips and the coldness that she had learned to call a friend returned to keep her company in the empty room.

Standing, Lena moved to the drawer Kara told her about and pulled out a Mickey Mouse hoodie that looked a few sizes too big thanks to Kara’s love of oversized hoodies. She would be fine in her own leggings and so she went to work unbuttoning her shirt before taking it off just as the bedroom door opened. Her back was to the door and she knew whoever walked in got a good look at the giant bruise on her back along with several of the scars on her body. “What are you doing here, Luthor?” Astra asked as she closed the door. “If you are planning anything to hurt my niece, I swear to God I will kill you.”

Lena pulled the hoodie onto her body and calmly turned around to face the woman. She met her glare for a moment, letting the silence and tension linger in the room as she considered saying the words forming on her lips. “If I ever hurt Kara, then please do kill me,” Lena told the woman. Grey eyes narrowed and she looked down at her hands, imagining all the blood that was on them. “She deserves someone better than me. She would hate me. But I, I love her.” Astra’s eyes were wide when Lena looked back up and she felt her heart pounding in her chest at the confession. “I know you know I was the one at the museum this morning and it tore me up doing that, I hated it, but I love her, I do. I love her so much I want to leave because I’m tainted and my hands are so bloody I want to kill myself, but I’m doing this now for her and if I leave she might die without me here to protect her.”

Astra stepped closer to the young woman and studied her as Lena bit her lip. “Why would Kara die if you left? What are you planning?”

Lena paused and wondered if she should tell Astra, she could use someone on her side. But was Astra on her side or just looking for a way to get proof so she could get locked up. She sighed and decided it was time to start telling the truth, that Astra was a safe start considering she was Kara’s last living blood relative. “I’m going to destroy my family,” Lena told Astra looking her dead in the eyes.

When Kara opened the door to her bedroom she was surprised to see Astra talking to Lena and the blonde moved quickly over to Lena’s side. “Hey, you okay?” she asked eyeing her aunt, suspicious over to whether or not she had decided that it was a good time to give the shovel talk. The brunette nodded and Kara found her mind at ease knowing her girlfriend was okay. “Come on, I got to introduce you to the others and the tacos are getting cold.” She took her girlfriend’s hand and they left the room with Astra behind them. Leading the way to the food, she let go of Lena’s hand to fix them both up some tacos. “Did my aunt say anything weird to you?”

Lena watched Astra and Lucy head into a corner no one else was looking at and looked away as Astra’s hand tenderly brushed back strands of the smaller woman’s hair. After the month of observing Kara and those around her before actually talking to her, she had figured out there was something going on between those two. It was clearly a secret, but the fact Lucy wore that ring around her neck on a chain would only work for so long. But they were cute and Lena wanted to see the woman whose parents she took happy. The sound of her name pulled her from her thoughts and she looked up at blue eyes before seeing the plate held up for her to take.

“Hey, come over here and introduce us to the guest of honor,” Winn said as Lena took the plate from the blonde. Kara smiled at Lena and she wondered if she really was okay. She looked rattled and she wanted to know why. Ever since the woman had arrived at the building she had seemed off but it was especially bad around Lucy and after her nightmare. As they sat down, Lena pressed against Kara, being clingier today than usual, and Winn looked at the new Game Night attendee with excitement. “I hear you like anime.”

“Oh God, Winn, enough with the weeb talk,” Lucy groaned as she moved over to give Astra more room. “No one likes your movie or your silly cartoons.”

“Anime,” both Lena and Winn corrected. Everyone looked at the two and they both looked at each other. “You watch anime?” Winn asked earning a nod from Lena. He beamed and moved closer to them from where he was on the floor. “Which ones?”

Kara spaced out as her girlfriend and Winn talked, and she smiled as she saw Alex and Maggie lost in their own bubble on the floor leaning against the couches while James talked to Astra and Lucy. Happiness flooded her chest as she smiled at the sight of her friends and family safe and happy. This was all she wanted, what she worked so hard to have, and she was happy she had it. She would protect this with her entire life if she had to. Those were the thoughts, the warm feeling lingering in her chest as she wrapped her arm around Lena and held her close as they all played games and laughed. Soon, James, Winn, Astra, and Maggie were gone leaving Alex and Lucy with Lena and Kara for an impromptu sleepover. Lena was already asleep in the bed by the time Kara had gotten changed and ready for bed after giving Lucy and Alex blankets for them to use on the couches. Climbing in behind Lena, she pulled the covers over both of them and pulled Lena close to her, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend’s waist. She buried her face in dark hair as the young woman let out a soft sigh in her sleep and felt her whole body relax. Smiling, she closed her eyes and relaxed onto sleep knowing she had never been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for each and every comment and kudo they really motivate me to get this story written so thank you so much.
> 
> Please leave comments, feedback, and kudos and please follow me on twitter @witchofink for the occasional update on writing, poll, and just Supergirl related content in general. I hope you enjoyed and stay tuned for the next chapter


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Self-Harm/Cutting
> 
> So this chapter has some foreshadowing, implying at stuff that will come up later, and a better look into Lucy and Astra's relationship. It's a long chapter so that's why it took so long. I hope you all enjoy. I love each and every comment and kudo so thank you so much for leaving them.

Kara didn’t see or hear from Lena for a week after taking her to the airport and that worried her. That assassin was still out there and she needed to keep her girlfriend safe. So, when her phone started to ring she immediately lunged across the couch to grab it, losing the documents in the file on her lap. “Lena?” she asked, pulling the phone away to make sure it was the younger woman. “Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while are you okay?”

The door of her apartment opened and Lucy walked in with Winn and Astra as a shuddered breath came over the speaker. “ _Can, um, can you pick me up from the airport, Kara?_ ” Lena asked in a small voice. Was she just now getting back? She was only supposed to be gone for a few days. Kara stood up and rushed to her room to get her shoes on, concerned by the sound of Lena’s voice. “ _Kara, can we do something fun today? Going home was not the, uh, best week for me. I just want to spend time with you and take my mind off of home._ ”

Kara froze getting her left shoe on and looked at her friends. “Yeah, baby, we can do something,” she told the woman. “I’ll bring some of the others and we can all have some fun. You can talk to Winn about your geeky things and Lucy will be there and Astra too. Want me to bring Alex? We can squeeze one more into my car.” That was a lie but she remembered how Alex and Lena had gotten along so well a week ago and wanted her to feel better. “How about we all go bowling?”

Kara grabbed her keys as Lena hummed and motioned for the others to follow her. “Is that Lena?” Astra asked as the call remained silent for a moment. The blonde nodded, not wanting to hang up on Lena or keep her from speaking. There was a conflicting look in Astra’s eyes and she turned to Lucy beside her to whisper in her ear. God, what Kara would do for super hearing. Her glasses had nanotechnology inside of it to enhance her vision and more but it did nothing to give her the ability to hear the whispers she wanted to hear.

“ _I can do bowling,_ ” Lena finally said as the elevator opened to reveal Alex. Brown eyes blinked in surprise at the group piling into the elevator with her and Kara heard Winn explain to her sister what was going on. “ _Kara, I- I-_ ” There was a pause that made her chest tighten. What had happened when Lena went to go visit her family? They would need to talk about it because it was starting to worry her immensely. Did they hurt her? Were they abusive to her? Why would she go back if they were? “ _Can I stay over at your place again? Something happened and I’m not sure I want to be alone._ ”

“Of course,” Kara replied as she stepped out of the elevator. Alex tapped her on her shoulder and she turned to look at her friends who were all looking at her confused. “I’ll see you soon, I have to go. Bye, Lee.” She hung up and sighed as she put her phone in her pocket. “Lena doesn’t sound like she’s doing so well after coming home and I want to do something fun. She liked you all last week so I thought we should all do something. We are all off today so why not?”

“I did finish the paperwork about Lex Luthor’s capture so I’m in,” Lucy said as she held out her hand for the keys which Kara tossed her only for the petite woman to hand the keys over to Alex. Winn looked at Lucy as if she had just said she stole a million dollars and Kara forgot that Winn didn’t know about the fact James and Clark had finally brought in a Luthor. The blonde mouthed _Later_ to him and Alex jangled the keys as she gave the short woman a questioning look. “I’m tapping you in to drive. Kara sucks at driving.” She grabbed Astra by the wrist and pulled her along outside of the building leaving the other three to watch them in confusion. It had seemed like those two were inseparable these days. Astra had never come to Game Nights before last week and most of the time she just watched as she sat next to Lucy.

“Okay, is it just me or does it seem like something is going on between Astra and Lucy?” Winn asked earning laughter from the two women. “I’m serious. I might just be a computer nerd, but I’ve seen that ring Lucy wears on that necklace and I’m around her way less than you two.” The sisters looked at each other, the laughter dying away and Winn raised his eyebrows. “You haven’t noticed? Don’t you all spar and train together? That’s how I noticed it when I was helping her reconfigure the equipment.”

Alex shook her head and looked at the door. “I think it’s just cause Astra knew her parents,” she supplied. “And we all know she has her parents’ wedding rings, it’s probably just one of their rings. I mean, Astra and Lucy? Come on, Winn, you can’t be serious. Anyway, Lucy’s on probation cause she slept with that mafioso’s daughter and almost blew her cover. I mean, that’s what the Director and Lucy said.”

Winn frowned and sighed as he looked out the glass door of their building. “She hasn’t had a physical in a few months, though. I think something's going on.”

Alex shook her head as she ruffled his hair and looped her arm around Kara’s. “Come on Lena’s waiting.” The three friends left the building and found Lucy leaning against Kara’s car laughing at something Astra had said. “Hey, Luce,” Alex called out, snickering. Winn was about to protest, knowing the agent was about to tell the two what he had said inside. “Winn thinks you and Astra are secretly a thing which is ridiculous, right?”

Lucy laughed and looked at Winn. “Astra and me a thing? Really, Winn, you need to get your head out of those comics and cartoons.” Green eyes flickered over to Astra whose brows were furrowed in some emotion Kara couldn’t read. That was the thing about her aunt that frustrated her, she was so unreadable sometimes. “Let’s just go, I’m excited to whoop Winn’s ass.”

“I think bowling will be fun,” Astra said as she opened the backseat door for Lucy. “I haven’t gone since Alura invited me to go with her as teenagers. It’s been a while so if we are doing teams I may hold people back.” Kara slid in next to her aunt leaving Winn to go up to the front and Alex started up the car. “Kara,” Astra whispered to her as Lucy rested her head on the older woman’s other side with a hand on her stomach. “You seemed rather worried when Lena called, is there something wrong?”

Kara sighed and closed her eyes as she leaned back against her seat. “She sounded like she was really shaken up. I think something happened while she was at home,” Kara told her aunt. She opened her eyes at the sound of Alex putting on her music and frowned at the song blasting through the speakers. “If you mess up my speakers with your music, I swear to God, Alex,” she threatened over the music. Alex smirked as she sang along to The Pretty Reckless’ _Heaven Knows_ and Kara leaned forward to see what Winn was doing. “Are you texting Mike Matthews?”

Winn fumbled with his phone and the screen went black as the man turned red and shook his head. “What? Me? Texting Mike Matthews? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. Ha, no way at all.” His voice was an octave higher than normal and Kara leaned back with a smirk on her lips. “I’m serious!”

“Sure, uh-huh,” Kara replied as she took out her phone to text Lena that they were about five minutes out. Thankfully, they lived near the airport, the close proximity a good thing if there were out of town missions which was often the case. Kara’s next mission was actually in Florida and coming up in a few weeks at the beginning of October. She was tempted to ask Lena if she wanted to go with her, but she didn’t know how to explain why she would be missing for a few hours as she took down a drug lord who had a nasty track record of leaving behind the bodies of people who tried to take her in.

The song changed and everyone was content with that being the only sound as they drove the rest of the way. Blue eyes flickered over towards her aunt and Lucy who were passing the short woman’s phone between them as they typed out a private conversation. Kara was tempted to use her glasses to spy in on them, but the car parking reminded there there were more important things to take care of. Namely Lena. She got out of the car, Astra and Lucy claiming to stay in the car while Alex went with Kara and Winn went to the restroom. It didn’t take long for them to find Lena, the young woman sitting near the elevators with a cup of something warm in her hands.

Green eyes snapped up as soon as Kara got close and she stood staring at the blonde as if it’s been months since they had seen each other. “Kara,” she breathed as she wrapped her arms around the woman. “I missed you so much.” She buried her face in the blonde’s neck and Kara held her close. Something was mumbled against her skin, but before she could ask the woman pulled away to look over the blonde’s shoulder to see Alex holding her drink. “My tea,” she protested resting her chin on her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“Reunion, then tea,” Alex ordered as she looked to the side to see Winn coming over. “So, bowling. Two teams of three and the loser has to buy drinks for Movie Night.” Lena looked at the older Danvers in confusion. She knew about Game Night but not a Movie Night. They never had one of those in the month she just observed Kara nor in the time Lena had personally known the blonde. “We haven’t had one in a while so you probably haven’t heard us having one. It was going to be tomorrow but why not tonight?”

“Can we watch one of my movies?” Winn asked as he approached them.

“No,” both sisters said at the same time making Lena laugh. She missed this during her week of getting yelled at, locked in the dark room in the basement of the Luthor mansion, and getting blamed for Lex being caught by the DEO. She had barely managed to keep her mother from sending someone with her, not wanting to lose another heir who would lead their family if Lillian or Lionel couldn’t. The only thing that helped her get through the week was knowing she would be coming back to Kara.

“We should watch _Wonder Woman_ or _Star Wars_ ,” Lena suggested as Kara pulled away to collect her bag. She hoped they would agree on _Star Wars_ since she could use her comfort movie. She would enjoy both but she could really use some _Star Wars_. Kara’s hand found hers and she held back a wince at being touched on her newly injured hand, a gift from her mother for failing to take out the blonde. All over her body were new bruises and half healed cuts inflicted from training her mother made her go through. Though, the cuts on her arms were her own doing.

“I vote for _Wonder Woman_ ,” Kara said as she pressed a kissed to Lena’s temple. She was surprised to see Lena looking so casual at the airport, last time she picked her up the young woman was in a dress unlike the dark green hooded jacket over a black shirt and leggings she wore this time. Her blacks converse kept Lena at her normal height which was perfect for forehead kisses and holding her close. “And I know only Winn will vote for _Star Wars_ so it looks like we will be watching _Wonder Woman_ tonight. I’ll send a text out on the group chat in the car.”

Alex stopped in her tracks from where she was walking ahead of them and turned to look at Winn and Kara with her phone in her hand. “Hey, Lena, why don’t you go on ahead? We parked close to the elevators and Astra and Lucy are still in the car. I just need to talk to these two for a moment.”

Lena could tell it was DEO stuff based on the way Alex was clutching her phone, something to do with Lex maybe, and before her girlfriend could protest, she smiled as she nodded. “Of course, I’m sure I can make it on my own just fine. I’d know Kara’s car anywhere, anyway.” She looked at her girlfriend and gave a reassuring smile before taking her bag and heading off towards the elevators that would take her to the parking garage. Stepping into the elevator, she leaned against the wall and put her hand into her pocket as green eyes glanced down to look at the red lines peeking out from her sleeves. There was a dull ache to take the sharp knife in her pocket and form more of those lines, but the thought of Kara finding out made her slip her hand out from her pocket. The only reason she had cut at home was because it kept her from becoming a hollow shell of a woman who only killed and felt nothing. She turned to have her back against the elevator wall and pushed the sleeves of her jacket back to examine the cuts lining her arms. Unfortunately, that was when the doors decided to open revealing Kara’s aunt waiting for her.

Grey eyes flashed with concern and it filled Lena with relief considering she had thought the woman would hate her for being a member of the family who took her sister and her fiancée’s parents, the latter her own doing which Astra didn’t know. The older woman grabbed Lena by the upper arm and dragged her out of the box to examine the cuts. “Did you do this to yourself, Lena?” she asked. The young woman stayed silent and looked away from the red and white lines that littered her arms. It was one of the reasons she was moving so slowly with Kara, she didn’t want the blonde to see what she had done to herself. She always wore long sleeves around people she never thought the marks would be noticed. She didn’t want to scare away the woman she loved with her entire heart because she hated herself and acted on that hate. “Lena. If Kara finds out about this, she’ll be devastated.”

Lena pulled her arm away and pushed down her sleeves as she headed towards the direction she heard the sound of a running car coming from. She tightened her grip on the handles of her bag and sighed as she froze and looked at Astra. “Don’t tell her, please,” she murmured as green eyes looked into grey. “I want to tell her when I’m ready.” She would tell her everything eventually. The plan was to start with the self-harm and then the scars on the rest of her body to eventually the fact she was a Luthor. Telling Kara who she was would be the hardest especially since she had been hiding who she was for a while and longer by then. It would be a lie to say she wasn’t afraid of telling Kara the truth, but if she wanted an actual future with her then it was something she would have to be honest about.

Astra looked at her for a moment before taking her bag from her and leading the way to Kara’s blue Jeep. “If I see you make even a single cut from now on, I’ll tell her,” Astra informed her as they came up to the car. “Get in the back, the others will be back soon.” The woman put the bag in the car and shooed Lena off to the other side to get in before climbing into the car herself. “You okay, Lucy?” she asked the woman looking at something on her phone with intense focus.

“I don’t think I should bowl with you all today,” she told the older woman. “I have been-” Lucy cut herself off looking up from her phone to see Lena where the Luthor assumed Astra had been sitting before she left. She looked to her other side and put her phone away just as the doors of the car opened when Alex, Winn, and Kara got to the car. “Never mind, I’ll tell you later.”

Kara paused as she opened the back door of her car hearing her best friend mumble to her aunt. Seeing Lena looking at her as if she was only person there, however, caused her to pick up the surprisingly light woman and take her place in the seat. Lena shifted to straddle her lap and closed the door as the blonde cupped one of her cheeks. No one else existed as she looked into green eyes that could hold her entire world. How was it only a little over a month since they started dating? It had felt like she had known the woman in her lap for so much longer, her entire life even. Running her other hand through raven locks, she leaned up to press a soft kiss to Lena’s lips. The other woman kissed back, wrapping her arms around Kara’s neck to bring herself closer to the blonde, and the kiss deepened as they forgot they weren’t alone.

“God, can’t you two wait to get a room?” Lucy asked from where she sat in the middle of the backseat, being short enough that she didn’t block too much of Alex’s view in the rear-view mirror. A blush formed on Kara’s cheeks as she pulled away from the woman on her lap. There was a familiar jealous look in her light green eyes that Kara could never tell where it was from. Lucy had always had two different jealous looks, one where she wanted something or someone someone else had and one where she wanted to be in a situation similar to another. The look on her face was the latter but Kara couldn’t figure out why.

“You’re just upset you’re single, Luce,” Alex teased as Lena rested her head on Kara’s shoulder. The blonde put her hand on her girlfriend’s back and was surprised at how tense she felt. Rubbing little circles into the brunette’s back, she pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “You don’t have anyone to be all sweet and adorable with and so seeing Kara like that with Lena makes you jealous. That’s okay, though, you don’t need to be jeal-“

“I’m not single,” Lucy muttered under her breath causing everyone to look at her, Alex almost hitting another car as she drove. There was a look of panic on her face as she met everyone’s gaze and then looked at her lap, her hand moving to the ring hanging around her neck. “I lied about sleeping with that woman over two months ago, we just had some drinks, well she had some drinks, and I left her passed out on the bed.”

“Who is it?” Winn asked, looking eager to be right about something. Kara highly doubted Lucy would tell them, she got secretive about people she was dating. Especially if they had been dating since that mission Lucy got benched for. “And if you didn’t sleep with that lady, then why did they switch your position at work?”

“If she doesn’t want to say, then don’t push her,” Lena told them. She caught Astra’s eye and could see a mutual understanding. Lena would keep her secret just as the older woman would keep hers. The car parked and she pressed her lips to Kara’s. “I understand wanting to keep my significant other a secret, my family doesn’t know I’m dating Kara.” That earned her a surprised look that she removed with another kiss. “I’m not close with my family.”

Lucy groaned at the two kissing and pushed Astra out gently so she could leave. Alex had to practically drag Lena off Kara to get them to follow which surprised the blonde. Generally, Lena wasn’t so touchy feely in public except for holding hands and hugs. But now, it was as if she needed to take her mind off something and her only thought was to be touchy feely. When they got to her place, she would have to ask Lena what was wrong.

“Oh, I’m not bowling today,” Lucy told the group. Kara raised her eyebrows questioning as she looked at her best friend who just said she wouldn’t participate in one of her favorite activities other than dancing and sparring. She, her sister, and her parents used to bowl every weekend when her parents were alive. She would drag Kara and whoever else she could to go bowling when they had downtime. What was going on with Lucy?

“You don’t want to bowl?” Winn asked resulting in Lena whispering the question of why this was such a big deal. “ _You_ don’t want to _bowl_?” he repeated as Kara whispered the answer. Blue eyes grew full of concern as Lena paled at her words and Winn repeated once more, “You _don’t_ want to _bowl_?”

“I don’t want to fucking lift heavy things,” Lucy snapped before storming away with Astra trailing behind her.

Winn shrunk back and looked as if he had just kicked a puppy. The two sisters looked at each other confused while Lena went after the other two. Kara was unsure of what was going on and they all followed after to see what was wrong. By the time Kara got inside, Astra and Lena were whispering to each other in hushed tones while Lucy was nowhere in sight. “Where’s Luce?” Alex asked while Winn mumbled about paying for everyone to atone.

Lena glanced at Astra, unsure of how the woman would answer the question. “She wanted to be alone and went into the bathroom. I think it’s best to let her cool down.” The answer wasn’t a complete lie, but Lena wondered if there was more to the outburst. Lucy had mumbled something about hormones and Astra had assured her everything was fine and that she didn’t need to feel like she should console her just because her family took the woman’s parents. If only Astra knew it was her who killed her fiancée’s parents. “I’ll go in there to look after her.”

Kara looked like she was about to protest so Lena took her hand and led her over to the lane Winn had picked out. Seemed like teams was out of the question so it was now a free-for-all. “Help me pick out a ball after we change shoes, darling,” she said hoping that would distract Kara. Alex sat down next to Winn and whispered to him too soft for the Luthor to hear. She leaned softly against the blonde as they tied up the laces of the bowling shoes and she felt the unease from being home, of facing who she was, fade away. Kara felt her feel so normal and that was all she wanted. She just wanted to be someone who wasn’t a Luthor.

“What pound ball do you use?” Kara asked as they walked over to the selection of balls. Lena had the most adorable look of utter focus on her face as she looked at each ball, only checking the weight of the green balls. The blonde picked a blue one on the heavier side and watched the young woman analyze each green ball. “Are they too heavy for you?”

Lena frowned and bit her lip as she shook her head. “They don’t feel right,” she mumbled as she tried another ball. She hummed happily and held up a ball for Kara to see. “Found one,” she said in such an adorable way that made Kara want to put their balls down to drag her off to the bathroom stall. If Lena was ready for that, of course. It would be a lie if she said she wasn’t getting a little, uh, frustrated at how slow Lena wanted to take things. Most of what they did was cuddle or Lena would cling to her with an odd hint of sadness to her. “Kara?”

The blonde blinked and looked at her girlfriend who was giving her a worried look. “Sorry, I spaced out,” she told the younger woman. “Hey, should we start without Astra and Lucy?” Kara asked her sister and Winn as Lena and she went back to the lane. “Or we can get some food and wait?” She wanted to prolong this downtime as much as possible, not think about the important mission she and Alex were to go on in a month. She already had the mission in Florida, but she was going to ask Lena to go with her to go to the beach or maybe they could go to a theme park.

Lena looked towards the restroom and pursed her lips as she gave Kara’s arm a soft touch and looked into blue eyes. “I’m going to go to the restroom,” she murmured softly. “I’ll be back, I’ll just be a moment.” The blonde nodded and got dragged into a conversation with Winn and Alex as she walked away towards the restroom. Silently walking inside she could hear soft sobbing from the handicap stall on the far end of the restroom. It hadn’t been her intention to walk in on their private conversation, the only moments in which they can be the couple they are, but she did need a moment to compose herself, the events of the past week creeping back up. She only hoped it wasn’t one of the bowling alleys that didn’t turn off the lights.

“I’m so tired of pretending, Astra,” Lucy sobbed. “Kara’s my best friend and we won’t be able to keep this a secret forever. You know it will be obvious soon and they’ll notice I’ve stopped drinking. I already blurted out that I’m seeing someone. I want to tell them. I want to be able to be honest about how much I love you.”

There was a pause as Lena silently moved over to the mirror to look at herself in the mirror. Her skin was so pale. She angled her head to hear better and internally cursed herself for being such an eavesdropper.

“Shhh, dear one,” Astra soothed. “You’re just a bit emotional right now. We agreed to wait until Kara came back from Florida to tell her. You want to tell her first since she’s your best friend and my niece so let’s stick with that plan. I love you so much and I want you to be happy. I think bowling may make you happy. You can use one of the lighter balls. Say you pulled something during a workout. Or during some other activities.” There was another pause and the sound of rustling clothing. When Lena realized what they were about to do she made a small squeak sound in the back of her throat which caused both women to mutter curses under their breaths. After a moment, the stall door opened and Lena turned to find a furious Lucy glaring at her.

“Fucking hell,” the short woman cursed as Astra barely managed to see who it was before grabbing Lucy’s arm to keep her from lashing out. “How long have you been there? If you tell anyone about us you’ll wish you never did.” She was seething as Astra murmured softly into her hair and gradually she softened. “Don’t tell the others, I want to tell them.”

Lena looked at the ground, unsure of how to tell Lucy she had already known about them. Her mind was still trying to process an assumption floating around in her head but what she was thinking couldn’t be it. It couldn’t be. Despite the anger that had flashed within light green eyes, tears formed as Lucy clutched Astra’s hand. They were so in love. It made the Luthor think of the blonde sitting out in that bowling alley laughing with her sister and friend. The same blonde whose cousin took her brother from her completely unaware it was a trap.

“I knew,” Lena confessed. She shocked even herself saying just those two words, her own expression mirrored on the face of the other two. “I saw you two being close last week and it just made sense in my head.” Astra’s shoulders lowered slightly as some tension left her. Did she really think she would confess to being a Luthor to her girlfriend’s best friend? To the woman whose parents she killed? Well, Astra didn’t know what she had done but she wasn’t going to announce she was a Luthor until she had to.

Lucy looked back at the older woman and gave her a questioning look. “You knew, she knew.” Pressing their foreheads together, Astra nodded and rubbed her thumbs gently over Lucy’s cheeks. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Suddenly, Lena felt like she was intruding on a tender moment, not that she hadn’t in the first place, and looked at the door longingly. She felt like it would be wrong to just leave, however, but perhaps it would have been better if she had because suddenly her sleeves were being pushed back by Astra and her cuts and scars were on full display. Lena’s eyes widened at the two women who had somehow gotten closer without her noticing and she tried to jerk her arm back.

“We traded secrets,” Astra told Lucy, her grey eyes flickering over to Lena’s green for a moment. “She had known about us and I found out about this.”

“Oh my God, Lena,” Lucy gasped looking at the younger woman’s arms. “Does Kara know?” The assassin looked away and clenched her jaw. She knew exactly how Kara would feel if she found out. But it wasn’t like she could tell her why. Just like how she couldn’t tell her why she had to sleep in rooms where the windows aren’t covered if she’s alone. Why she clings so much. Why she refuses to talk about her family. Why they haven’t even had sex yet. Kara couldn’t know, not until Lena was ready.

“No, she doesn’t,” Lena answered a bit harsher than she meant to. “Just like you aren’t ready to tell Kara about you two and whatever is going on with you that’s making her worry, I’m not ready to tell her certain things about myself. I don’t care if it makes me a bad girlfriend, I love her and I have my reasons just like you have yours.” Finally jerking her arm away, she left them in the bathroom and pushed her sleeves down as she headed back to the group. Immediately, she sat next to Kara and stole a fry from the basket on the blonde’s lap. Why did Astra have to do that? Might as well throw in the fact she was a Luthor as well. Why couldn’t she just be happy for once? Kara made her happy and that’s all she wanted to be with the older woman. As if sending she was upset, a hand ran through her raven locks and scratched softly at her scalp, closing her eyes as she rested her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder.

There was something going on but Kara couldn’t bring herself to question it. Instead she comforted Lena as Alex and Winn set up the game. “Hey, Lena,” Winn said making the woman her eyes to look at him. “Have you ever heard this song before?” He tapped the screen of his phone and, out of habit, tossed it to her so she could listen. There was a panicked look on his face when he remembered she wasn’t a highly trained secret agent but the look changed to amazement when Lena snatched it from midair.

From what Kara could hear, it was something in Japanese that she couldn’t understand, but Lena was singing softly along under her breath with her eyes closed. “ _Magia_ by Kalafina,” she said holding out the device. “ _Puella Magi Madoka Magica_ was one of the first anime that really got me into anime so good taste.”

“That sounds like some magical girl crap,” Lucy said coming back holding a bowling ball. It seemed way lighter than what she usually used and Astra was behind her watching her closely. “I knew you liked cartoons, but magical girls?”

“Actually,” Lena said, lifting her head from the blonde’s shoulder. “It’s a pretty dark show. Hopes and dreams turn into despair and ultimately death. The enemies you thought were evil and pure darkness, actually used to be your friends or where you stand.” Kara ached to remove the solemn expression on her girlfriend’s face. She looked almost haunted as she stared at her hands and the others went silent. “Anyway, let’s bowl, I haven’t done this since I was a little girl.” She stood and turned to Kara, holding out a hand for the blonde to take. “Give me a refresher, darling.”

Kara smiled and nodded, her chest growing warm as she let Lena pull her over to where the balls were. Finding her green ball, the brunette approached the lane and Kara could tell she had that look of concentration on her face that was so adorable. Her head turned slightly and blue eyes followed her line of sight to see that she was observing other bowlers. After a moment, she carefully swung back her arm with the ball and swung it back forward to send it rolling down the lane. It curved into the gutter and the disappointment could be clearly seen in Lena’s body language.

“Aw,” Kara said as Lena turned and went over to her. The blonde pulled her in and pressed her lips to the woman’s temple. “You’ll do better next time, baby.” Pressing a kiss to the blonde’s lips, the young woman moved to sit down as Alex came up behind the woman grabbing the blue ball she had picked out. “Ready to lose, Alex?” she asked with a confident smirk. She always beat Alex even if she ended up losing to Lucy, but this time the petite woman wasn’t using one of the heavy balls she usually used so Kara had a chance to beat everyone else.

“I think the better question is if I’m ready to win,” Alex countered as Kara rolled the ball down the lane. The middle pins clattered away while three pins at the ends, one on the right and two on the left, remained. Alex gave her sister a smug look when the blonde cursed and the older Danvers looked at the ball in her hand.

“You look like you’re getting way too familiar with that ball there, Alex,” Lucy teased earning a look from the taller woman. Lena glanced at her and Astra from where she sat with the Coke she was sharing with Kara. They were sitting close and Lucy’s hand that wasn’t hidden between the two women was on her stomach. They looked sweet together and, if it wasn’t for the others focused on bowling, they would have been found out. Astra leaned down and whispered into her ear and the petite woman smiled before getting up when Kara came back after failing to get a split. “Looks like you still are just second best.”

“You’re only number one at bowling,” Kara pointed out as Lena stood to go stand over by Astra. The old woman hadn’t taken her eyes off the laughing woman who tried to mess up Alex and Lena had to touch her on the shoulder to get her attention. “Lena, what are you doing?” the blonde asked noticing the young woman with her aunt. “Are you being rude to her, Aunt Astra?”

Lena smiled and shook her head. “I was just going to ask her secret questions about you,” she told her girlfriend. “Learn all your hidden secrets.” She actually wanted to question if her suspicions on Lucy were correct. She also wanted to ask the older woman if they could talk soon about the week she spent in Metropolis. Lex had always been the person she went to after their mother was done with her but now she had no one and it was still affecting her even if she was hiding it.

Kara could tell there was something Lena was hiding, but she didn’t want to make Lena think about something that might upset her so she didn’t ask. Instead, she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and rested her head on the brunette’s. “You have to figure out my secrets the hard way,” she murmured softly with a light smile on her lips. Lena rested her head against the agent’s and the blonde thought about her mission to Florida. “Uh, Lena? Would you like to go to Florida with me in a few weeks? I’m not sure what you do for work but if you can come with me I would love to have you with me.”

Lena lifted her head away from the blonde’s and turned in her arms to look at her. There was a hopeful expression on her face and Astra’s grey eyes were burning the back of her neck as she could feel the older woman’s stare. Lucy cheered but the sound seemed so distant as she thought about whether or not she should go. If it was a mission to Florida that was where Lillian had Veronica posing as a drug lord. She didn’t let many people leave her casino headquarters alive. “I would love to go with you, darling,” she told the woman who immediately lit up. “And I actually don’t have a job, if I’m being honest. My parents refuse to cut me off, so I spend my time donating money and volunteering at children’s hospitals.” It wasn’t a lie, when she wasn’t working on her gear and tech or with Kara Lena would go to a children’s hospital and spend her time reading to the children or just trying to make them happy despite their situations. She might kill people, but she did everything in her power to make up for it.

Kara blinked and noticed her aunt had a puzzled expression on her face. “That’s amazing, Lena. I wish I was that giving.” Her brain grasped at straws for a logical job and she remembered her art supplies and smiled at the brunette watching her with green eyes. “I’m an artist, that’s why I’m going to Florida. I want to get some inspiration. Maybe go to a theme park. Disney World is better than Disneyland.”

Lena raised an eyebrow and nodded as she backed away just as Winn took his last turn. “Yeah, a lot of people would argue with you about that.” She smiled at the blonde before heading over to the group. “Is Astra not bowling?” she asked before the woman came over, making her feel like she had spoken too soon. Lucy gave her fiancée a little cheer as Alex chanted over and over for the older woman to mess up. Laughing, Lena noticed Winn looking at her and tilted her head at him questioningly.

He shrugged and smiled. “You are going with Kara across the country?” He must have heard their conversation and so Lena nodded, not going to deny it anyway. “That’s going to be fun.” He looked at the others who were all starting to amicably bicker, Astra snickering as she watched Lucy argue with the two sisters ganging up on her. “Hey, Lena,” Winn said as he began to back away towards the seats. They sat down and the man looked at his lap for a moment. “Don’t hurt Kara. I don’t want to say this around the others and you are never not next to Kara, so this is my only chance.” He paused as his expression grew grim and Lena began to internally panic that the smart man had figured out who she was. “You go to home to Metropolis for what was only supposed to be a few days and then you come back a week later looking like you have been traumatized by something horrible. Look, I don’t know you, I don’t know anything about you, but something’s going on with Lucy which leaves the best friend shovel talk to me and so I just want to let you know that if you drag Kara into whatever is going on with you that made Kara drop everything and drag all of us to the airport then I will do everything in my power to make you suffer. She’s my best friend and the world doesn’t deserve her.”

Lena blinked and looked over at Kara, giving the blonde a soft smile when she stopped bickering to wave. If only Winn knew she was here to save Kara. If only he knew that she was the only one standing between Kara and the entirety of her family and those who worked for them. But she nodded at him and said nothing as she stood up and went over to her girlfriend, wanting the comfort she felt being near the woman. If only they knew. If only they did so she could talk to someone about what had happened at her family estate. She smiled at Astra as Kara wrapped her arms around her waist and held her close. For now, this was good. This was happy. And happy was all she had ever wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on twitter @witchofink and stay tuned for the next chapter. Thank you so much for reading my fic I love each and every one of you ^^


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who took off the death tag
> 
> trigger warning: slight mentions of child abuse
> 
> Thank you each and every one of you who has left kudos and comments, they motivate me so much and mean the world to me.

After bowling, Kara and Lena had returned to the blonde’s apartment while the others went their separate ways. The plan was for everyone to come to Kara’s for a few movies and for once no one was going to stay over other than Lena. The good thing about all of them living in the same building, as hellish as it could get, was that no one had to drive to get home so they could get as drunk as they wanted. One person was always the responsible one, not drinking as much as the others, so that they could help people to their apartments if needed, and that system had worked better than everyone just passing out at Kara’s to suffer the morning after together.

There was soft humming coming from the bathroom along with the sound of water from Lena’s shower as Kara focused on getting everything set up for the movie. She wanted to pause to listen but they had taken a nap after getting home, Lena curled up in Kara’s arms where the blonde could hold her close, and so now Kara had to rush to get everything set up. Winn always came early with either James or Lucy to use his tech skills to get any movie they wanted to watch for queued up for the night so she had to get out at least enough snacks and drinks for two or three people.

Without even a knock, the door opened as Winn strolled into the apartment followed by James who wore a smug look on his face, clearly proud of himself for catching Lex Luthor. “Where’s Lena?” the shorter man asked as he made grabby hands at Kara’s DEO issued laptop. James plopped down next to him offering up movie ideas. “We are watching _Wonder Woman_ first, dude, and you know the drill. Movie titles on a piece of paper and put it in the bowl.”

“She’s taking a shower,” Kara told Winn as she set the glass bowl they put the movies they want to watch before getting drunk in to select from. She moved over to the fridge and pulled out some beers for the two men, wanting to wait herself until the others were all here before she got drunk. “I’m going to guess your smug look is cause Lex is finally behind bars?”

“You’ve guessed correctly,” James confirmed as he took the drink from her. “Hopefully, the Luthors will back off for a while and we won’t have to deal with them. Speaking of, have you figured out anything on that Ghost person?”

Kara frowned at the mention of the Luthor who had tried to kill her during the museum mission. She had checked all her parent’s notes and all the files on Luthor assassins they had to date. But there was nothing. This woman was legit a ghost. The only clue was a picture of the book the Luthor family kept the name of all their members in that had been taken by Astra when she had infiltrated the estate years ago and the fact a name was crossed out, heavily. There was no way to figure out the name just by a picture so they were stuck with nothing.

The water shut off in the bathroom and Kara snapped out of her thoughts as she shook her head. “No, nothing. And please keep the work talk to a nonexistent amount because Lena doesn’t know,” she said softly as she went to the kitchen to grab some bowls to put snacks in. “But, I’ll say this, I’m going to find that woman and bring her in no matter what it takes. She’s a killer and she needs to pay for her crimes.” All the Luthors, and those affiliated with them, needed to pay for their crimes. But Ghost knew who killed her parents and could lead her to them. If she wanted to get the Luthor who killed her parents she had to get to Ghost. Ghost was the key but the woman was a literal ghost it felt.

A pair of arms slid around her waist from behind as Kara’s mind registered the two men’s voices talking and she realized she had spaced out as she had been consumed by her thoughts. The scent of her own shampoo filled her nose as she turned in Lena’s arms to look into green eyes. Leaning down, she pressed her lips against her girlfriend’s lips and held her close. “Thank you for the hoodie,” Lena murmured after pulling back just enough to speak. “I never knew pastel blue would look so good on me.” A laugh fell from her lips before Kara kissed her again. With her hands on the younger woman’s waist, they moved slowly until the brunette pressed up against the kitchen island.

“Oh God, do you have to do that here?” Alex groaned as she entered the apartment with Maggie. Lena chuckled softly as she pressed her head to Kara’s shoulder and could practically feel the blonde scowling. She glanced back and was surprised not to see Lucy there yet, the petite agent almost always the first one to the apartment. “Oh, Lucy said to start without her and Astra. Apparently, there was a spider in Lucy’s apartment and since Astra is across the hall she supposedly went to kill it. I don’t know, Lucy was doing that thing where she speaks really fast and then hangs up.”

“Bet they are banging,” Winn joked as he hacked into some database. Lena couldn’t exactly tell what it was from where she stood between Kara and the kitchen island but she could see movie posters so she assumed it was where they got their movies from. “I’m telling you, they are together.”

“Oh God, Winn, just drop it,” Alex sighed as she grabbed a beer from the fridge to hand to Maggie. After grabbing several bottles of wine and vodka, she herded her girlfriend over to the living room area and set the alcohol on the table before sitting on the larger couch Kara owned. The two men were already on the floor and Lena expected Lucy and Astra would sit next to the other couple, which meant the loveseat was meant for her and Kara. It made sense given that this was Kara’s apartment and they were the two most likely to get affectionate more so than Alex and Maggie or Lucy and Astra. Of course, Lucy and Astra weren’t public on their relationship so it wasn’t likely that they would do anything intimate around anyone.

“Yeah, I don’t think Astra and Lucy are a thing,” James added in as he took a swig of his beer. “Lucy sleeps around too much and Astra is too focused on her work.”

Lena kept her mouth shut as she listened to the others argue with Winn, all but Maggie. The detective glanced over at the younger brunette seeing that she was being silent as well and raised a brow questioningly. Kara moved away to join the rest of the group and the assassin followed behind with her hand in the older woman’s. “Maybe instead of gossiping about friends we could crack open one of those bottles?” Lena suggested as she was pulled down onto Kara’s lap.

Winn returned to his hacking as Alex opened one of the bottles of vodka and arranged some cups for everyone. “Still think they are banging,” the man muttered under his breath. A shoe flew across the room and hit the back of his head making him whip around to see a scowling Lucy standing by the door with Astra chuckling behind her. “Lucy, oh, hi, how are you?”

“Better once I kill you,” the woman replied as she went over to sit next to Alex. “Also, I’m going to be the sober one tonight.” The whole room went silent and everyone looked at Lucy as if she had been replaced by someone else. In the entire span of time that Kara had known Lucy, she wasn’t one to turn down drinking. Something was going on with her best friend and she wanted to know what. “What? I just don’t feel all that well and alcohol would probably make it worse.”

Kara frowned while Lucy gave her a smile before Alex whispered to her. She would have to ask later when everyone was either drunk, like Lena was on her way to being considering she was already on her second cup and Winn hadn’t even started the movie, or they were alone. “Okay, people, you all know the drill. Movie titles in the bowl and no suggestions other than what’s in that bowl,” the blonde said as Winn passed out the little notepad that had been next to the laptop. _Wonder Woman_ came on the screen and Lena squealed softly with glee as she shifted on the agent’s lap to nuzzle closer. Kara smiled as she ran her fingers through the ends of her girlfriend’s damp hair and watched as her friends wrote down the movies they wanted to watch.

“I love this movie,” Lena murmured as she took a sip of her vodka. She had really needed a drink and the fact she had Kara here with her was more than just a bonus. Someone dimmed the lights and images flashed in the back of her mind from when she had been back at home. Her empty cup fell from her hand as a cry echoed in her head and she felt her breath catch in her throat. She had to help. She had to get that girl out of the darkness.

“Lena,” a voice said softly. Green eyes looked up to see Astra knelt in front of her and Kara while the blonde was rubbing her upper arms. Belatedly, she realized the voice had been her girlfriend’s and the others were looking at her while the movie was paused. “Babe, you okay?” the blonde asked as she looked at the brunette with concerned eyes.

“I just need to go get some air,” Lena said as she stood up, knowing Kara wouldn’t mind if she opened one of the windows above her bed. “You guys can keep watching, I’ll be back.” Winn looked at Kara as the brunette walked away and Lena caught the tail end of a nod as she noticed her girlfriend’s aunt following her. She didn’t say anything as she climbed onto her girlfriend’s bed and opened the window directly above the padded headboard. “Why did you follow me? Shouldn’t that be Kara’s job?”

“I told her I would talk to you,” Astra replied sitting on the edge of the bed. “Lucy won’t be happy and Kara might be confused, but I can tell when someone is having an episode. Kara’s mother had PTSD and she would return to past missions at times.”

“I don’t have PTSD,” the younger woman argued. “More like unresolved trauma.” She looked out the window and the laughter of her girlfriend and her friends sounded so far away. The sounds of the cars below felt closer, the city at night under the moonlight. The stars were hidden beyond the bubble of light pollution but she could see them in her mind. Thankfully, the Luthor estate believed in training being a twenty-four seven thing and lights were kept off at night to let the younger members of the family, extended and main, get used to seeing at night.

“Do you want to talk about it? I’ve been to the Luthor mansion, I’ve seen what it’s like,” Astra offered. Looking at the older woman, Lena studied her for a moment and realized she had seen the woman when she had been at least six or seven. She had been crying because she had messed up in training and was being taken to to the Room by Lillian. Recognition sparked in her green eyes and Astra smiled sadly. “I was hoping you would never remember seeing me. I had planned to go back for you but I was ordered not to go back.”

Lena stared at the half moon glowing down at the city and took in a breath of night air. Someone had wanted to rescue her. She could have had a normal life. “Not now,” she told the woman. “I just want to be with Kara and watch movies for now.” After she had calmed down, of course. Hazel eyes filled with terror still filled her mind as she realized she was like Astra in that moment. “Wait,” she said as the older woman started to get up. “There’s a girl I think they are trying to make end up like me. Starting her training young and keeping punishments severe to get her to learn faster. She’s just a child. They threw her into the Room with me for three days before they came to get her. That’s why I was gone so long, my mother knows the Room still bothers me and punished me for my ‘failure’ by keeping me in there for most of the week.”

Astra rubbed her arm and gave her a soft smile. “You were there with her and kept her company, she wasn’t alone. That’s the best you can do in your situation. Let’s talk about this later when we won’t get walked in on. Okay?”

Lena nodded and sighed as she closed her eyes. She felt the bed shift as Astra stood and the assassin stayed on the bed, leaning up against the padded headboard, as she felt the cool night air on her skin. Green eyes opened when the bed dipped and a tipsy Kara placed kisses on the pale skin of her neck. A soft hum left her lips as she turned slightly to look at her girlfriend, smiling at the dorky smile on the blonde’s lips. “Hey,” she softly greeted before the blonde straddled her lap. She reached up and placed a hand on the blonde’s warm cheek, rubbing her thumb softly across soft skin. “I’m sorry I ran out, I just needed some air.”

Kara lowered herself so that she was resting her head on Lena’s shoulder, tilting her head so that the brunette could still rub her thumb over her cheek. “You can always talk to me, baby girl,” the blonde murmured against Lena’s neck. “I’m your girlfriend, I’m here to listen and talk and cuddle and kiss and steal shirts from and dance with and-”

Lena cut the blonde off with a kiss as she threaded her other hand into Kara’s hair. A warmth not caused by alcohol spread through the agent straight to her stomach as she swiped her tongue along perfect lips in a quest to deepen the kiss. She lifted her head from her girlfriend’s shoulder while keeping their lips together as the younger woman granted her wish. Hands moved to the brunette’s waist as her pinkies slipped under the bottom of Lena’s sweatshirt to touch bare skin. Part of Kara wanted to take the next physical step in their relationship soon, still letting Lena have the control knowing she was less eager about getting intimate, and that desire was fueled by the alcohol in her system as she slipped the tips of her fingers under the shirt.

“Kara,” Lena protested, knowing the woman was dangerously close to one of the scars on her body. “Kara, stop.” The blonde pulled back, shockingly sober considering how frisky she had been just second ago. Green eyes looked into blue as she took a moment to catch her breath. She wanted to give the blonde what she wanted but she just wasn’t ready, had no clue how to explain the scars on her body. “I’m sorry, I’m just not ready. I want you, I do, but not yet.” The blonde nodded and placed a soft kiss on her lips, the fire gone and replaced by loving softness.

“I don’t mind, Lee,” Kara told the woman as she looked down into green eyes. “If you need me to, I’ll wait for as long as you need.” There was an _I love you_ in there, unspoken but understood by both of them, and the blonde felt her heart speed up as Lena smiled sweetly before pulling her down on top of her to hold her close, soft lips moving against her throat in what Kara believed was Lena’s own _I love you_. “Want to go back in with the others? The drinking games are about to start.” Her girlfriend nodded against her head and Kara sat back, pulling the young woman up with her. Loud laughter filtered into the room and a smile formed on her lips at the sound of her friends.

Without warning, Kara slid off her bed and picked up Lena so that she wrapped her legs around the blonde’s waist on reflex. Soft laughter filled her ears and she forgot all about her friends for a moment as she looked at her girlfriend smiling beautifully at her. If it hadn’t been too early to say how much she loved Lena she would chant it like a mantra in as many ways as she could, but it was too early and she wanted to make this last. She wanted to keep Lena in her life for as long as she could and if that meant waiting for declarations of love or being intimate then so be it.

The younger woman set her forehead against Kara’s shoulder, laughter still pouring softly from her lips as she held onto the blonde. With Kara, it felt like everything just melted away, like nothing could hurt her as long as she was with the woman she loved. There was no Lillian, no Luthors, no assassin organization that planned to destroy everything her girlfriend, the woman she loved, cared about, no trembling body clinging to her in a pitch black room. There was nothing bad out there, just Kara and the warmth she exuded like the sun.

But once Kara knew who she was would she still have that sun in her life? Part of her hoped so, Lena loved the blonde more than she could explain and doubted it was just the fact she was still young. But, the other part knew Kara despised her last name and wanted to rid the world of her family, and despite the fact they shared a goal it would be enough to stay in the blonde’s life.

“Aww how cute,” Winn said too loudly as he made a show of pressing his hands to his cheeks as Kara carried Lena into the room. The blonde set down her girlfriend on favor of holding hands which caused her to be dragged to the kitchen by Lena to look for a snack. “I want someone strong to carry me around my apartment.”

“You just want someone buff to look at,” Lucy pointed out as she leaned against Astra. Lena assumed it was to stay away from Alex and Maggie who were starting to get on the frisky side as well as just be close to the older woman. A bottle of wine had been opened since she had left and, with a small bowl of peanuts in hand, returned to her seat to pour herself a cup of wine. Green eyes met green as Lucy looked over at Lena and Kara together cuddled up on the couch and she smiled at the younger woman as Astra casually put an arm out behind her along the back of the couch.

“Everyone wants someone buff to look at,” Winn commented. “Like, I bet Lena really likes Kara’s muscles and Maggie likes Alex’s.” Heat went to Kara’s cheeks as Lena took a long sip of her drink. It was clear Winn had a bit too much to drink already by his red cheeks and his higher than normal pitch which was leading to the topic both women dreaded. “Oh my God, you two haven’t had sex. I think it’s time to play Never Have I Ever.”

“God, Winn, what are you a high schooler?” Maggie sassed as Alex smiled at the idea of a drinking game. She sighed when Alex murmured into her ear and filled up her cup. “Alex wants me to start, so let’s get this game rolling.” She waited for everyone to get more alcohol and grinned as she settled against Alex. “Never have I ever cuffed myself on accident.”

Alex, Astra, and Kara all took a sip as Lena and Maggie laughed. Lena never knew her girlfriend was that clumsy and it gave her some ideas for whenever they reach that point. “I was trying to do tricks with it,” Alex mumbled as Maggie continued to laugh. “Shut up. Okay, never have I ever shot myself in the foot.” Maggie grumbled when she drank and choked on her vodka when Alex took a drink too. “I just wanted payback.”

“Alex, sweetie, that’s not how you do it,” Lucy told the tipsy woman. “I’m not drinking, but never have I ever thrown a drink in someone’s face.” Everyone but James, Astra, and Lucy drank and Kara could have sworn she heard her aunt call Lucy a liar but her brain was getting fuzzy again. Without thinking, she pulled Lena onto her lap and buried her face in raven locks that always smelled so pretty.

“Never have I ever not liked the smell of my girlfriend’s hair,” Kara drunkenly said. Everyone but Winn drank and the blonde raised an eyebrow at her aunt who only winked at her. “I do love the smell of your hair,” she murmured to Lena who leaned over to set her cup down before turning on her lap. She brushed back those dark strands of hair and let her other hand fall to Lena’s waist before her girlfriend’s wine and vodka scented breath met hers. “You’re beautiful, Lena.” Soft lips found hers and she put all the love she couldn’t declare yet into the kiss as she gently pulled Lena closer. They ignored the empty plastic cups poorly thrown at them as they smiled against one another’s lips.

“I think they want us to stop, darling,” Lena whispered against Kara’s lips, not even fully pulling away because she was too afraid of what would happen if she let go. Alcohol either made her way too emotional or way to flirtatious and it seemed to be the prior this time. Their lips still grazed and touched, both not wanting to part from the other, but Lena turned on the blonde’s lap when a half empty cup hit her back.

James blinked at the dripping vodka soaking Lena’s hair and borrowed sweatshirt before letting out a relieved breath when she started to laugh. This was what friends did, doing stupid stuff like get drunk and throw half empty cups of alcohol at each other, and she loved it. She gasped when Kara leaned forward, unprepared for the movement which caused her to slip onto the floor, and laughed more when she tossed Lena’s peanuts at the man. The act sparked a friendly fight full of chips, plastic cups possibly still containing vodka as they steered clear of the red wine when picking cups, and any other projectile they could find that wouldn’t injure anyone. Lucy laughed from behind Astra as Alex and Maggie teamed up against everyone else. In the end, they all turned against Lena and Kara before everyone was too tired to continue, returning to drinking and movies.

At some point, Lena had walked over to Kara’s bathroom to clean the alcohol and snack food from her hair when Alex came to sway slightly in the doorway before choosing to lean against the frame in her drunken state. “We, we need to talk,” she softly slurred. Lena glanced at the woman, already on her way to sobering up after she stopped drinking halfway through the second movie. “Kara is a soft ray of sunshine who slept with a stuffed dog until she was fifteen.” A dark eyebrow rose when she realized this was Alex’s turn to give her the shovel talk. She was interested to see how it would go considering the woman was drunk.

“You come into her life and make her smile and laugh and talk endlessly about you,” Alex continued. “But she doesn’t know you and that’s going to get her hurt. You keep things about your past, your family, your life before her. You are a mystery and that, that’s not good when it comes to lessening the chance Kara might get hurt. She’s more fragile than she looks and she’s suffered enough in her life. If you hurt her, if you ever make her cry or sad, I will make you regret ever coming to this city. Make you regret it. I will.”

Lena took a shuddery breath as she let the slurred words get processed in her mind. The effect was lessened by the fact Alex was drink and how she looked like she would pass out at any moment, but the message was clear. Hurt Kara and get hurt yourself. She never wanted to hurt the woman, she had had the bruises to prove it from their fight at the museum, but she couldn’t keep who she was a secret forever. She would have to hurt Kara by telling her who she was and that terrified her more than the woman starting too gag from drinking too much. Helping the older woman to the toilet, she closed her eyes and wondered how to tell Kara who she was before it was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on twitter @witchofink and stay tuned for the next chapter. Thank you so much for reading my fic I love each and every one of you ^^


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Child abuse and abusive family.

The last week and a half passed by quickly, Lena mostly staying over at Kara’s which brought up an important question in their relationship. Did they want to start thinking about moving in together? It was almost their two month anniversary and yet it felt like they had been together for longer. Both of them felt that way. But, Lena was keeping who she was a secret from the woman she loved and that made it all so complicated. Perhaps that’s why she was so happy Astra invited her to talk where the others couldn’t listen in, letting Lena talk about things related to her family and what she did for said family. Kara thought they were just bonding since she was her aunt and things were serious between them despite the short time span.

Letting out a sigh, the young woman ran her hand through her straightened hair before knocking on the door to Astra’s apartment. It was her first time visiting someone in this building who wasn’t Kara and it made her oddly nervous. Part of her wondered if Lucy knew Astra and her would be meeting, her curiosity answered when Lucy opened her door behind the younger woman. The petite woman looked oddly unsure and she seemed paler than normal, probably having just gone through some morning sickness if Lena’s assumptions of her being pregnant were correct.

“We were having breakfast,” Lucy told her before looking back into her apartment probably at Astra. “Do you want to come in?” There was hesitancy in her voice as if she was so used to shutting people out of her relationship with Astra that she wasn’t sure how to let anyone into their space. The door opened wider before Lena could respond and the smaller woman retreated into the apartment where Astra was reading the newspaper as she shoveled eggs into her mouth. It seemed like having a huge appetite ran in the family. “Astra, Lena’s here.”

Grey eyes blinked up as Lucy sat back down at the table and the older woman smiled at the young woman standing halfway between them and the door. “Sorry, we woke up late,” she said after swallowing, something Kara rarely did much to Lena’s amusement. “Do you want any food?” Lucy gave her fiancée a questioning look as the tall brunette looked at the food on the stove that could make two more servings. “We have enough, dear, we can share.” She looked at the Luthor and smiled comfortingly as she used her foot to gently push out the chair across from her. “Sit.”

Lena smiled and felt herself relax slightly. She felt like she was intruding, the engaged pair not hiding their affection as Lucy put her feet in Astra’s lap, and the older woman stealthily put some of her own eggs in with the ones on her fiancée’s plate. As she sat down, she wondered if this was what it would be like to be engaged to Kara. Did she even want that? To make that happen she might have to keep who she is a secret forever but she didn’t want that. She wanted to tell Kara so that the relationship wouldn’t be based on a lie. But she could see what would happen if she did perfectly. Crying and yelling, her being taken to jail to answer for all the lives she has taken because there is no such thing as a Luthor with no blood on their hands.

“Lena?” Astra said dragging Lena from her thoughts. It sounded as if that hadn’t been the first time her name had been said and both women across from her were looking at her with eyes full of worry. “Why don’t you go to my apartment and I’ll meet you soon to talk.” Her tone was soothing but at the same time it made Lena uncertain. She had never talked to anyone about her feelings or her fears, both being frowned upon by the Luthors.

Wordlessly, she nodded and stood to do as told, Astra clearing up her dishes as Lena left the apartment. Part of her wanted to leave, keep her feelings bottled up like always, and just go spend the day snuggled up with Kara as they talked about what they were going to do in Florida. But, the door was open and there was a storm inside her as she entered Astra’s apartment. It was rather bare, the woman probably spending most of her time with Lucy, and so the young Luthor stood awkwardly in the empty room that seemed way too similar to how she felt inside.

“You can sit,” Astra told her softly as she closed the door. There weren’t many options for seating so she picked a soft looking couch in front of a fireplace with a TV attached to the wall above it. When she sat down a sound of surprise left her lips as she immediately sank into the cushion as if it was swallowing her up. A soft chuckle fell from Astra’s lips as she watched Lena shift and adjust how she was sitting. “It’s not the best but it’s comfortable. Now, you seemed like you wanted to talk about your trip home the Movie Night two weeks ago and I’m sorry this is the first chance I have to talk I just had some appointments with Lucy to go to.”

As much as she wanted to ask if Lucy really was pregnant, Lena kept her questions to herself and thought about the week she had spent on the Luthor estate. Everything felt empty as she reflected and part of her wished Kara was there to bring back the sun into her darkened life. Darkness, that was something she hated. Hated the darkness inside of her, hated the darkness that crept towards her when she was alone at night with the thoughts that formed storms in her mind. Lena hated darkness and most of all she hated the darkness she could find in that god forsaken room.

“There’s this room in the basement of the Luthor mansion we call The Room,” Lena began softly. Her voice sounded haunted and hesitant as it was never something she talked about, not even to Lex. “There are no windows or lights in the room, just darkness and whatever light comes in when the door opens when they bring food. I hate that place. Ever since I was old enough to even strangle a mouse, I’ve been tossed in there when I can’t kill even a bug when my mother told me to. If I fail in training or lose in sparring, into The Room I go. I hate dark rooms because if it. I’m not afraid of the dark, I just feel like it will take me and never let me go, never let me feel the warmth of light.”

Grey eyes watched as the young woman pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. Lena wasn’t looking at Astra so she could only guess what expression she was receiving from the woman. Worry, pity, contemplation. “How old were you when your training started?” Astra asked. It was an understandable question to ask but Lena curled in on herself more, shoulders hunching forward as she stared at her toes. Never had she talked so openly about her past before but Astra knew who she was and was an important person to the two people Lena wanted to be happy more than anything. One out of love and the other out of guilt. “Lena? It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me.”

The young brunette shook her head and pressed her lips together for a moment. “No, it’s fine. My mother started my training when I was three when it became clear I needed a bell around my wrist to alert others to my presence. My biological mother was an assassin and my father is an assassin so it made sense I would become one.” She paused as she thought back on her life as a Luthor. Part of her didn’t regret it, it got her where she was and led her to Kara, but another part of her wished she didn’t have so much blood on her hands. The part that scared her, however, the small part that whispered in the back of her head, loved it. Loved the sickly sweet crimson that would cover her hands and the feel of a weapon in her hand. Craved the rush of taking a life. That was the part that haunted her at night when she was alone and made her wake up screaming at night.

“Eighteen years of being an assassin takes its toll,” Lena murmured causing Astra to stare at her in confusion. Green eyes flickered up to see the expression and she mirrored the older brunette as she scratched lightly at the fabric of her grey leggings. “What?”

“How old are you?” Astra asked. Lena didn’t know if she should be offended or not that the agent asked her that. “Aren’t you Kara’s age?”

Lena shook her head and felt her cheeks warm slightly. She was younger than her girlfriend by two years, about to be three with Kara turning twenty-four in November before she had her own birthday in January. “I’m twenty-one. I don’t know why Kara didn’t say anything. I’m always told I seem older, though, because of how I act. I’ve always been like that. But on the inside, I’m still that terrified little girl all those years ago who was turned into a monster.”

“You are _not_ a monster, Lena,” Astra told her firmly, putting a hand on the young Luthor’s ankle to grab her attention. “You were taken advantage of and raised by cruel people.”

Lena flinched at the way Astra referred to the people she grew up with, the people who are the only family she knows, as cruel. Yes, Lillian wasn’t the softest of women and Lionel wasn’t one for fatherly affection, but she remembered how Lex would show her just where to step in the hall to avoid creaking floorboards, how Veronica would sneak bourbon onto the grounds before teaching her many, _many_ things, and how Gayle would teach her how to learn so much about a person just by the way they talked. Indigo helped her with her gear and Hank taught her how to fight someone twice her size. They might not all be related to her by blood, but that was the family she knew. The family she would have to fight to save Kara. The family she might have to kill.

“Just because your last name is Luthor doesn’t make you a mon-”

“I killed Lucy’s parents,” the assassin blurted before she could stop herself. The hand on her ankle tightened before slowly pulling away, grey eyes filled with shock and rage. A hand went to her mouth and she watched the older woman to see what she would do, her body prepared to move if she needed to. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that. But I did and I can’t look at Lucy without seeing her face that night when she saw me. I just want to atone for what I did.” More apologies fell from her lips as she clutched her legs closer to her body and pressed her forehead to her knees. Astra was going to yell or turn her in or worse.

“I know,” Astra said causing Lena to snap her head up. The rage was still there but it wasn’t aimed in her direction, rather towards a picture of a younger Astra standing with a woman looking exactly like her. “You called yourself Ghost back then too. If my guess was correct it was because your name was crossed out of the book you took a codename. When I crossed out your name I was hoping it would free you but I see now I was wrong. But, Lena, you aren’t like them, you’re good. You don’t want to do what they make you do, I can see that. Kara told me how Ghost didn’t even try to kill her at the museum and I know that if you wanted to be like your family, you would have killed her no matter what your feelings were. Luthors don’t let their heart get in the way of a contract.” Lena furrowed her brows as she studied the older woman and nodded as she kept her eyes down. Astra knew and saw past her last name. It should have felt good to hear that but all she could wonder was if Kara would be the same. “I’m the only one who knows and if you tell the others who you are you can never tell Lucy what you did.”

“So, you don’t hate me?” Lena asked. Her voice sounded pathetically small and timid which was exactly how she felt. Here was this woman who had a glimpse into her past, seen her as a child before she became the monster she was, and she understood that she had been twisted and tainted rather than choose what she had become. The older woman shook her head and some of the tension left her body, though a good portion remained. “I’m sorry about your sister. I’m doing all I can to stop my family and I’ll make sure my father pays for what he did to Kara’s parents.”

“I know you are and I’m proud of you for going against your family,” Astra told her, standing up, “but before you do I think you should tell Kara especially if you are going to be showing up as Ghost again.” The agent moved to her kitchen and pulled out two mugs. “Do you like tea?” The young woman nodded and Astra pulled out four tea bags as she began to start up the coffee maker.

“Why did you get out four?” Lena asked as the older woman pulled down a third cup. Just as a finger was pointed towards the door, Lucy came in making a beeline for her fiancée. “Oh,” she murmured as she stood up. “I didn’t, uh, I didn’t know you would be joining us, Lucy.”

The petite woman looked at Lena from where she had her arms wrapped around Astra from behind and rested her head against her fiancée. “I heard the coffee maker,” she stated as if that answered the question. “Plus, I know, so I can at least stay for tea.” Astra sighed and Lucy had a look of regret on her face before she pressed her lips to the woman’s spine. Glancing over at the panicked look on Lena’s face, her face paler than usual, the woman let go of the one working on the tea to point at the taller brunette. “She told me. And, even though I wanted to tell the DEO at first, I know what you’re trying to do and if it involves bringing in the people who killed my parents then I’m cool. Lena, we’re cool, okay? I know you just want to protect Kara and put an end to what your family is doing, so it’s okay.”

Lena felt like her heart wanted to burst out of her chest with how hard it was pounding but she nodded. “So, you don’t mind that I’m a Luthor?” she asked, needing the clarification. The petite agent shook her head as she accepted a mug of tea from Astra. Green eyes glared at the woman handing her a steaming cup of what smelled like chamomile tea and she pursed her lips as the older woman among them offered her a smile before preparing herself some hot water. “I can’t believe you told her.”  
“As you know, we are engaged,” Lucy defended pulling the ring out from where it sat under her shirt. “And soon we are going to be married, so it’s not unheard of for people in love to tell each other things. Especially when it involves the niece of one and best friend of the other.” She took a drink of her tea and studied Lena over the rim of her mug. “So, are you going to tell her?”

It took a moment to realize Lucy was talking about Kara and Lena frowned as she moved over to the kitchen island and sat on a barstool. “I want to, but I feel like she will hate me. Especially since we already fought as agent and assassin.” A loud exclamation almost caused her to drop her mug as Lucy stared at her and back at Astra who was taking a long sip from her tea. “You didn’t tell her I’m Ghost, did you?” Astra shook her head as she lowered her mug and more than ever Lena was thankful she didn’t make her alias known until a couple years after she killed Lucy’s parents or the woman would know what she had done.

“Oh my God, you have to tell her,” Lucy told her. “Especially before the trip since it’s for work.”

“I know it is which is why I’m glad she asked me to go,” Lena sighed. “My friend Veronica is the Luthor agent there and she’s probably the reason Kara is there. Veronica isn’t a bad person she’s just selfish and, like most of the orphans the Luthors bring into their ranks, just twisted by how she was raised. As a child she was a timid girl, but she started to become colder when she became a teenager.” She left out the part about how Veronica always showed her soft side with the person she was dating, Lena knowing from personal experience. “If Kara goes up against Veronica, Veronica will try to kill her and she won’t go down without a fight. She’s like a snake and has the tattoo to prove it. I have to be there to keep them from killing each other. Veronica may be on the wrong side, but she’s still my friend.”

“I should go,” Lucy said as she set her mug down. Astra, who had wrapped her arms around Lucy from behind while Lena had been talking, tightened her arms and splayed her hands over her fiancée’s stomach. “She won’t question it if I go with her and I know who Lena is so I can help.”

“You are not going, not now,” Astra protested as she curled her fingers just the slightest bit over the petite woman’s stomach. “You can’t. Not in your condition.”

“You’re pregnant,” Lena said softly looking between the two. “I thought you were but it was just speculation. Oh my God, Lucy, you need to leave National City. And not to go with Kara and me to Florida. You need to go somewhere my family can’t find you.” She could see the questions forming inside their minds and Lena ran her fingers through her hair. “Lex let himself get captured, this is part of the plan to take out the DEO. And they are starting to do what they did before, take out the top agents so there is hardly any opposition. So far, I’m on Kara and Lex was on Clark Kent before his orders changed. I’m still in the loops with things since I’m one of the blood Luthors, but no word on anyone going after you two or Alex. Everyone not in the DEO’s top five is way below your skill levels so it’s just the five that are being focused on right now.”

Astra’s grip had shifted into an extremely protective one and Lucy had turned a few shades paler. It was the first time Lena had gotten a chance to tell any DEO agent of the plan her family had to deal with the DEO. Suddenly, Astra moved away from the short woman and walked to what Lena assumed was her bedroom door. “We have to tell the Director. J’onn will know what to do and he won’t say no to us leaving to somewhere safe.” She re-emerged with a duffel full of what Lena could tell were guns based on the clacking of them bumping into each other. “I’m not going to let you get hurt, dear one.”

Lucy shook her head and moved over to the older woman, taking the bag from her to set down. “We can’t leave, Astra, you know that. I can go in hiding, but you need to protect your niece, our friends, the people depending on us.” She looked at Lena and the younger woman felt her own panic over Kara’s well-being rise inside her. She should tell her to leave, ask to go on a vacation somewhere overseas. “We have Lena, we have Alex and Kara. I have you. As long as we are together nothing can stand in our way and that includes the assassins the Luthors send our way.”

“Speaking of my family,” Lena cut in, not wanting the couple to forget she was there. Last time she had witnessed a tender moment between them had gotten awkward and she did not want a repeat. Plus, she had to tell someone what was going on in case Veronica figures out she’s turned traitor and informs her mother. “I actually need someone to go on a rescue mission. Lucy being in hiding would be beneficial since there’s a little girl, Riona, who my mother is trying to turn into the next me. If she’s even a fraction close to my skill at her age then they’ll put her in the ranks when they strike since they know none of your agents would hurt a child. If Lucy is somewhere safe, someone gets the girl and I talk to her before we put her with Lucy. We can get the other orphans they’ve pulled off the streets and from who knows where after everything is over.”

The two grew serious again and Lucy moved away from her fiancée to grab her mug, dropping it in the sink. Grabbing Astra’s cold tea, she put it in the microwave and sighed as it started to heat back up. “I have a higher clearance than Astra so I can help as much as I can while I’m not in the field. Including letting you know that Kara and Alex are going to Seattle a few weeks after Kara’s mission to Florida. Astra’s ex-husband Non and his eco terrorist group, Myriad, was spotted there and they are being sent to deal with him.”

Lena purses her lips as she set her empty mug down and looked at her fingers wrapped tightly around the cup. “The Luthors have one someone specialized in medical there, if I go just in case I can get him to patch me up if something happens. That being said, I’m going. Tell me the date and any info you can get on the mission. Myriad has a grudge against my family after they completed a contract for one of their leading experts in global warming. It will get me back in my mother’s favor.”

Astra’s eyes widened and it was clear she forgot what she had asked Lena there for after Lucy came in. It was kind of adorable how Astra’s mind went to Lucy before anything else, a true testament to how in love they were. Lena thought of how the same happened with Kara for her, she was willing to risk her family finding out what she was doing by going with Kara to face Veronica, ready to have faith in Jack Spheer that he wouldn’t tell Lillian she provided backup for the woman she was supposed to kill, she was willing to die for Kara. When the blonde entered a room, she was all she saw. Her voice was all she heard and Lena didn’t want it any other way.

“I’m sorry, Lena, we were talking about your trip,” Astra said as she came over to sit on the other barstool. “You told me you were in the Room. Is that all that happened during your trip?”

Lena shook her head slowly as she put a hand to her side. The first three days of her seven day trip had been nonstop sparring, only ending when Lena refused to spar with Riona. That resulted in facing her mother, getting several new knife wounds on her sides and back, and being thrown into the Room when she inevitably lost for three days.

“For my failure, I had to spar nonstop with the worst of my family,” Lena recalled. “I couldn’t eat or sleep or anything. I only managed to last three days before my mother sent that little girl in to fight me. I could tell right then that my mother wanted to recreate me with that child. I have no clue who her parents were but she looked so timid and afraid. I’m well known in the family so she must have known if she went up against me she would get seriously injured.” She paused and closed her eyes as she wrapped her arms around herself remembering how Riona sounded when she introduced herself. “She’s Irish, like my biological mother was, and she’s only at most a year older than I had been when I started my training. I refused and-” Lena trailed off as she lifted her shirt to reveal her right side which had suffered the most of Lillian’s punishment. Two sharp inhales made her wince as she dropped the fabric and pulled out her phone at insistent buzzing.

“Are you okay?” Lucy asked as Lena read through the texts she had gotten from Kara asking if she was going to spend the night again and, if so, did she want to marathon Disney movies. “All those scars, is this why you and Kara haven’t slept together yet?”

Lena’s face turned red and she flashed her green eyes up to Lucy’s. “I don’t want to sleep with her until after I’ve told her who I am. I am going to, after Florida, but I’m afraid she’ll hate me.” She stood and smiled at the couple. “And, yes, I’m fine. Thank you for this, Astra, I think I needed this. I have to go see Kara now so I’ll talk to you guys later, okay?”

Heading out of the apartment after saying goodbye, Lena felt her mind linger on memories she rather bury for good. The look on Lucy’s face walking in on her standing over the bodies of her parents, the feeling of her first contracted kill, the feeling of darkness filling her up. Tears formed in her eyes as she kept her finger pressed against the down button of the elevator as those memories turned into worst case scenarios of her telling Kara she was a Luthor. She couldn’t bear Kara hating her, her already broken heart wouldn’t be able to survive. She rather have everything taken from her, everything, than lose Kara. She rather die than have Kara hate her. Stepping into the elevator, she wondered when it would be best to tell Kara. Maybe she could get with Lucy and they could tell Kara the things they have been keeping from her together, rip off the band aid rather than prolonging the pain. Yeah, that sounded like a plan. Smiling, she pulled up a picture of her and Kara and ran her thumb over the image of her girlfriend. “Soon,” she said. “Soon there will be no more secrets.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for each comment and kudo they mean so much to me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Reference to self harm

“Ugh, I hate plane rides,” Kara groaned as she stretched outside of the airport in Tampa as they waited for their ride to arrive. Florida was similar to California weather wise but something about it was clearly different. Something about the air made coming to the state feel more like a vacation than a mission. Maybe it was the fact National City didn’t feel like it was in California at all. All in all, however, it felt familiar seeing palm trees and feeling the warm sun on her skin with the humidity making it feel like it was summer rather than fall.

Soft laughter made her heart fill with warmth as a soft hand intertwined with her own. “You were asleep the whole time, darling, how can you hate something you weren’t aware of?” Lena asked as she looked up at the sky and breathed in deeply. A smile formed on Kara’s lips as she looked at the younger woman. She was beautiful under the sun, the soft green of her thin, oversized cardigan matching the emerald of her eyes. It was beautiful. It was as if being away from National City had brought some extra life and light into Lena and Kara loved it. She loved everything about Lena, but this side was something she would never tire of. In National City, Lena always seemed like there was something on her mind, some darkness lurking. But now, in vacation mode, she seemed more free.

“I’ve been awake on plane rides before, it wasn’t my first time,” Kara countered. A car pulled up and the window rolled down to reveal a tan man she recognized as a DEO agent stationed in the state. “This is our ride, let’s go I can’t wait to get to the beach.” She loved going out and seeing the ocean. National City didn’t have a beach, but Midvale did and she loved going out to the ocean when she lived there. Sliding into the car after she put their luggage in the trunk, she glanced at Lena and noticed she looked uncertain and nervous. Did she not want to be on the trip? “Hey, is everything okay? You don’t have to go to the beach with me if you don’t want. I mean, we are staying at a house literally on a beach, but you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Lena shook her head and smiled at the blonde from where she leaned against the car door. “No, I’m so happy to be here with you,” she told Kara. Even as she said that, the blonde could see a hint of something in those green eyes. Was it worry or anxiety she saw? She wanted to make whatever was bothering the young woman go away and protect her. She hated it when she could tell something was bothering Lena and she couldn’t help. “I just am not a fan of the beach. I don’t really like being out in the sun and getting all that sand everywhere. I’ll probably stay inside and read, if that’s okay.”   
Kara leaned over and pressed a kiss to Lena’s temple as the car started to move. “You can do whatever you want. This is a vacation so let’s just enjoy it however we want.” The smile on the brunette’s face made her concern ebb away and she pulled Lena to lean against her rather than the car. The young woman immediately rested her head against Kara’s shoulder and the agent wrapped an arm around her shoulder, resting her own head on top of Lena’s. “What do you want to do first? The house is stocked with groceries already so we can eat if you want. I’ve been dying to make you my special mac and cheese.”

Lena hummed and shifted as close as she could confined by her seatbelt. “I don’t care as long as I’m with you,” she told the blonde. Warmth filled Kara’s chest and her heart quickened as she turned her head slightly to kiss the woman’s head. “But eating does sound good right now. I’m excited to try out this mac and cheese you make that’s supposedly oh so special.”

“Oh it’s special alright,” Kara told her, earning a hum of doubt from her girlfriend. Her soft laughter turned into a squeak as she jumped when her phone chimed and Lena lifted her head to look at her, amusement in her eyes. “Oh, be quiet you,” she laughed sheepishly before answering the call. She checked the caller ID and frowned seeing Winn’s name. She was supposed to have a day or two of peace with Lena. “Yes?” she answered a bit harsher than normal.

“ _ Sorry to interrupt your lovey dovey time with Lena, but your timetable might need to get bumped up _ ,” Winn told her. He must be at HQ since the sound of agents talking filtered in from the background and the sound of him typing was as steady as the tapping of Lena’s fingers on the blonde’s thigh as the younger woman looked out the window. “ _ Looks like ‘Roulette’ is going to Las Vegas in a few days which is earlier than expected. So, if you want to take her in before she is surrounded by her full gang you need to get her tomorrow or the next day. Remember this mission is going to get us a step closer to taking down the Luthors. Director J’onzz wanted me to add that. _ ”

Kara bit back a curse as she closed her eyes and focused on Lena’s touch on her leg. Letting out a deep breath, there were two different ways she could go. She could take Lena to the casino she could find Veronica Sinclair at and just slip away while her girlfriend was occupied, or she could leave Lena at the beach house for a few hours and come back. Green eyes glanced at her as she thought and Kara smiled before turning her attention back to the phone. “I’m on vacation, Winn, but I’ll see what I can do. I gotta go, bye.”

“What did Winn need?” Lena asked looking slightly worried. Did she think their vacation would end before it had even started? They weren’t even at the beach house yet. Not even halfway. Kara put her hand on Lena’s and gave a soft squeeze. The worried look shifted to a soft smile as the young woman leaned against her and the blonde wrapped an arm around her girlfriend to hold her close. “Please don’t tell me we have to cut our vacation short. I was really looking forward to four days of peace.”

“No, baby, we are staying the entire trip, don’t worry,” Kara told her as Lena rested her head against her shoulder again. “Winn just was asking me to tell him what the casinos are like here. I was thinking of going to one tomorrow.” She winced internally at bringing up the casino before figuring out what she wanted to do beforehand. She should have just slipped out, say she was going out for a run and might get some snacks. Instead, she basically invited her girlfriend into the line of fire. “Oh, you probably don’t gamble, do you? If you don’t want to go then I can go alone and bring back some food. I know you like alone time.”

Lena was silent for a moment and Kara wondered if she had said something wrong. Perhaps she had a gambling addiction or she just frowned upon it. For a minute, she assumed the worst would happen until Lena wrapped her arms around one of the blonde’s and gave a little hum. “Some alone time might be nice. Maybe I can get a few chapters into this book I bought recently,” the young woman said. “But I would like to spend time with you.”

A smile found its way onto Kara’s lips as she rested her head on Lena’s. Despite the fact it was still morning, both of them wanting as much time as they could away from National City, Lena soon had her eyes closed and seemed to be asleep less than a minute afterward. It was cute and Kara wanted to stay awake to watch over the woman. She looked so young, her face and body relaxed and free from whatever it was that made her so tense while she was awake. But, despite her desire to stay awake, Kara’s tiredness from staying up all night kicked in and soon followed Lena’s lead, falling asleep as the car drove on.

 

“Agent Danvers,” a voice said waking up Kara from her car ride nap. Blue eyes blinked open and the warmth of Lena’s body was absent from where it had been when she had been awake. “Miss Mercer is on the beach already and I took your bags into the safe house. I was told to let you sleep for a bit but I have another agent to pick up in Orlando in a few hours.”

Kara rubbed her eyes and looked out the window of the car to see Lena standing on the sandy beach looking out into the ocean. With a smile, she turned towards the man and thanked him as she climbed out. Making sure she had everything, she headed down towards the water where Lena stood alone on the private beach and wished she had a camera as she looked at the brunette with her head tilted towards the sun with closed eyes. Pulling out her phone, Kara snapped a picture just as Lena’s lips formed a smile.

“Is it a good one?” Lena asked as she opened her eyes to look at Kara. The heart pounding in her chest skipped and constricted at how beautiful Lena looked in that moment. The smile on the woman’s face widened seeing how entranced the blonde was and she moved towards her girlfriend to pluck the phone from her hand. “Oh, that’s so pretty, I love how you captured the light hitting me and the waves.” Placing a kiss on Kara’s cheek, she practically danced away and slid the phone into her pocket as she pulling the light green bag at her hip up to reveal it was a polaroid camera. “My turn,” she said before taking a picture.

“You know, I thought that was a bag,” Kara said heading over to her girlfriend only for the woman to once again dance away. “What?” The only response was a grin as Lena moved back as she put the developing image into what looked like a protective sleeve for the picture. “Wait, so you get to take my phone and see the picture I took, but I can’t get to see the one you took of me?” Lena only bit her lip and hopped back farther away from the blonde as the agent advanced towards her. A grin spread over her lips as she lunged for the other woman. She was surprised when Lena deftly dodged her and started running, laughing, as Kara chased her.

The heart inside her chest pounded not from running, but from the sound of Lena’s laughter. It was beautiful, reminding her of a gorgeous instrumental arrangement. She bet it was the most beautiful sound in the world. If only Lena hadn’t taken her phone she would have recorded this moment. The sight of Lena smiling back at her, as she stopped to catch her breath and the way the sun shone down on her, Kara’s steps faltered in the sand as she smiled at Lena, just taking in the sight. Unfortunately, the falter caused her to trip and fall just as she reached Lena, taking the other woman down with her.

Lena’s laugh died on her lips as Kara found the other woman pinned under her. There was a panicked expression on her face as blue eyes noticed Lena’s exposed forearms in the sand next to dark hair. The sleeves of the loose, thin sweater inching down to expose several lines on pale skin. The woman under her paled as Kara searched green eyes as concern and confusion filled her chest.

Those were scars, she had worked at the DEO long enough to recognize what scars looked like. Shifting, she moved a hand to ghost over Lena’s arm, but the younger woman moved her arms to her chest and looked towards the ocean, green eyes turning glassy. Clearly, this was not something Lena wanted her to know about and the fact she had found out caused guilt to fill her stomach uneasily.

“Lena,” Kara murmured as she sat back on her girlfriend’s legs. Pale cheeks grew red and she could tell Lena was growing either embarrassed, uncomfortable, or both. “Lena, I-”

“Get off me,” Lena muttered harshly as she avoided Kara’s eyes. The blonde couldn’t move, this had never happened before. They had never fought and she had never heard Lena speak so harshly before. “Kara, get off!”

The blonde moved off to the side allowing Lena to rush to her feet and storm off towards the house, Lena’s arms held against herself and the sleeves of her shirt over her hands. Guilt rose into her chest making it hard to breathe. She had wanted this to be a fun and romantic getaway, but it hadn’t even been half an hour since getting to the house and it was already going south. As she stood, there was an urge deep and strong to go comfort Lena. However, she had no clue if the woman would need time or not. She looked down and noticed the younger woman’s camera on the ground. The protective pouch for the photos was attached to the strap of the holder and she picked it up.

Sighing, she began her trek back to the house and thought of what place Lena must be in mentally do do something like that to herself. Some of the lines seemed newer than others, maybe from when she had gone home. They would need to talk, she knew that, but she was worried what direction the conversation would go. All Kara wanted to do was love and support Lena and this was something she needed to show the woman she accepted. That she accepted Lena and all that she was no matter what. That she was okay the scars existed. She knew scars weren’t a sign of weakness but they were a sign of strength. Lena was fighting her own battles internally and those scars showed that. She wasn’t weak for making them, she was strong for living with them and living through whatever it was that pushed her do create them.

“Lena?” Kara called out softly as she walked into the house. She noticed Lena’s Sperry’s next to the door and slipped off her own shoes before walking in further. Soft murmurs filtered down from the second floor and the blonde didn’t even bother looking around as she followed the sound. “Lena?” she asked again as she nudged open the door to what she remembered to be the master bedroom.

Red rimmed eyes looked at Kara as the brunette sat on the bed, Lena’s back against the headboard, and they immediately lowered when the younger woman realized it was her. Her phone was pressed against her ear as she sniffles and pressed her arms tight against herself. “Hey, she, um, she’s here now. I’ll do that and text you later.” She lowered the device and set it on the bed next to her. It was silent for a while, too long to be comfortable in a situation like this. The blonde shifted her weight from foot to foot and kept her eyes on the young woman, not moving so she didn’t cause Lena to retreat behind her walls and become guarded. It took a few long minutes before Lena finally looked at her. “I didn’t want you finding out like this, Kara,” she murmured softly.

An ache settled low in Kara’s chest as it expanded in grew at how broken Lena’s sounded. As if this was a dark secret she couldn’t let out into the light of day. Perhaps it was, she had never seen the woman in anything but long sleeves. But what her fear was, was that Lena thought she would think less of her for knowing. She slowly moved forward as if she was approaching a baby deer and waited for a moment to see if there was any visual sign of protest. Seeing Lena slump a bit more into the pillows around her, she moved forward onto the bed next to the brunette and wrapped an arm around her to hold her close.

“I was going to tell you, I was,” Lena murmured, her voice wet with tears forming in her eyes. “I’m sorry if this makes you not-“

“Shhh,” Kara hushed softly. “Lena, this doesn’t change anything for me. I still care about you and I still want you in my life.” She moved back to lift her hands, wiping away tears, and cupped Lena’s face to get the woman to look at her. “You are perfect, Lena. No matter what is going on on the outside because inside you are amazing and beautiful and wonderful. You are perfect, Lena.”

Lena looked much younger when she cried and the vulnerability that wasn’t usually there did nothing to change that. Sometimes, Kara forgot that Lena was younger than her, that she had just turned twenty-one a few months before they met. It made moments like this when she looked younger than even her age more of an impact. It made Kara wonder if she was doing the right thing dating Lena, possibly dragging her into her dangerous world. But wouldn’t it be safer for Lena by her side? Well, maybe if she knew who Kara really was. Maybe it was time to tell her soon.

“I’m not perfect, Kara,” Lena disagreed. “I’m a terrible person. I have such awful thoughts inside my head and I’ve done such terrible things. I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve all the kindness you’ve shown me. I don’t understand how you can like someone like me.”

Something ached and broke inside the blonde as she rubbed her thumbs gently over the brunette’s damp cheeks. It seemed to have worked to get Lena to stop crying but she still looked like her world was ending. “You are not a bad person,” Kara told her. “If you were I wouldn’t be dating you. I can see all the good inside of you. I can see how much you are fighting to battle these thoughts inside you that aren’t true. Your brain is lying and I can tell you know that.”

She lowered her hands and moved them to Lena’s arms slowly. The other woman didn’t protest or pull back when Kara slowly and gently pushed up the sleeves. Green eyes stared at her as if she wasn’t real, a fantasy come to life to tell her everything would be okay. Maybe to Lena she was. All that mattered was reassuring Lena that she was  _ good.  _ That she wasn’t a terrible person like she seemed to believe. Blue eyes filled with sorrow yet also understanding as she looked at the scars, new and old. Her thumbs ghosted over the white and red lines, Lena’s breath audibly catching inside her throat, and Kara looked into green eyes.

“Each of these shows that you have fought and survived,” Kara told Lena softly. Tears fell, rolling down pale cheeks as Lena stared into blue eyes almost as if she was in a trance. “Each battle you face, each time you have suffered, you fought and while you hurt and bled, you came out alive. All that matters is that you are alive and, Lena, you are so full of life. You are so good and alive inside.”

“If I had won those battles then I wouldn’t have these,” Lena protested as she pulled away her hands to wipe away the tears on her face. “I wouldn’t feel like hurting myself if I had won.” There was a brokenness to the young woman that tugged at and caused something to ache deep inside of the blonde. “How can you even sit there and say all this after seeing them? How are you so kind to someone like me?”

Without an ounce of hesitation, Kara gently took Lena’s arms, turning them so the palms of the younger woman’s palms faced the ceiling, and leaned down to press her lips to each forearm. Sobs caught in Lena’s throat and Kara shifted to rest her back against the headboard next to her girlfriend, gently pulling the woman into her side. Tears fell onto her skin as the brunette cried into her shoulder, comforting fingers combing gently through dark hair, and Kara held her close as she tried to sort through the emotions inside her to figure out what to say.

“Lena, I don’t see your scars as a sign of weakness,” Kara told her, her voice serious yet soft and gentle. Blue eyes locked onto green and she gently set the woman’s arms down on their laps before brushing away lingering tears. “They are a part of you, they are. You might not like them, you may see them as something bad, but I see them as signs of strength in times of darkness. You are so strong, Lena, so, so strong. I see that in everything about you, you are strength. You give  _ me _ strength. Please know that you are strong and these scars aren’t signs of weakness. Please, Lena, please know that.”

Green eyes filled back up with tears as Lena wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck and held onto her tightly. Soft lips moved against her throat, the words unclear as the brunette clung tighter against her. As the action repeated over and over as Kara wrapped her arms around Lena to hold her close, shifting the two of them down to lie fully on the bed, she began to piece together what was being mouthed against her skin.  _ I love you _ . Lena repeated it over and over as Kara gently combed her fingers through dark hair and closed her eyes. The words were on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be said, but she lingered too long and soon Lena was asleep in her arms. The crying must have worn her out and Kara was fine with that as she wrapped an arm around Lena’s waist to hold her close. “I love you, too,” Kara whispered softly as she pressed a soft kiss to Lena’s forehead. Slowly, listening to the soft, steady breathing of the younger woman asleep, she too drifted off with thoughts of how to tell Lena when they were both awake how she felt about her. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments, feedback, and kudos. Please follow me on twitter @witchofink for the occasional update on writing and poll and just Supergirl related content in general. I hope you enjoyed and stay tuned for the next chapter which introduces Lena in action as Ghost and Kara in action as a DEO agent.


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